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REAL Messages from Beyond: Recognizing the Signs that the “Departed” Never Left

Decembering & Remembering

If my grandmother, Mary, was still roaming the Earth, she would have turned 93 this week. She passed over to the other side on March 26 of this year.

Up until the time that she moved from the eastern shore of Maryland to an assisted living facility closer to my neck of the woods, my paternal grandmother and I were not very close. I honestly didn’t know the woman in a REAL way for most of my life, which was simply a sad circumstance of distance and limited together time.

What I did know was that she loved the color yellow, especially when it came to roses. Winter was her favorite season, because she was born on December 18, adored the Christmas holiday, and married my grandfather on Valentine’s Day. Her dress caught fire at the age of 9, and she spent nearly four years in a hospital recovering from the burns. She lost her second child, a 3-year-old son, in a furnace fire. Her favorite singer was Nat King Cole, and she favored little dogs.

I learned a great deal more over the last 10 years of her life, however. During our many visits – often over cheese and crackers and her potato vodka-tonic cocktail – she unknowingly stitched together her life story for me and revealed who she REALly was. That time with her was truly a gift.

The Eulogy that Delivered Me

When my dad asked me to deliver the eulogy for Grand-mom’s funeral mass, I was honored. I also felt an intense pressure to get it right. In the days leading up to the service, I asked her for guidance and inspiration. I actually prayed for signs from everyone on the other side, as I often do. I needed some ideas about what to include and how to integrate just the right blend of history, humor, and love. I had to know what she wanted her last message to be.

About two days before the funeral, when I was cleaning out cupboards and packing the kitchen up for our upcoming move, a piece of paper fell from the back end of our junk drawer, skimming my cheek on its way to the bottom of the cabinet below. When I sat down on the tile floor to read it, I giggled a bit, knowing that my prayers had been heard and that my sign (and help) had come.

What literally fell into my hands that day was a copy of one of my favorite excerpts from the books and teachings of author, Neale Donald Walsch. Interestingly enough, I hadn’t sat down to read any of his works for quite some time. As the Universe (and my grandmother herself) would have it, though, an entry that I had borrowed for a Christmas Day message a few years prior divinely landed in my lap, delivering exactly what I had requested.


There are millions of them. Billions of them. Trillions of them. They are called moments. Strung together, they are called a life. ~Neale Donald Walsch


The excerpt I chose to build my grandmother’s eulogy around was all about fully embracing and appreciating the moments of life. I feel it is worth sharing these profound sentiments with you, especially as you close the gap on the current year and ponder what you will create in the next.

There are millions of them. Billions of them. Trillions of them. They are called moments. Strung together, they are called a life. No single moment has a prescribed length. It could last one second, one minute, or one hour. Or much longer than that.

Yet there is something unique about the most important moments: the longer they are, the shorter they seem. The shorter they are, the longer they seem. If you have ever spent an evening saying a final goodbye to a dearly-loved one, you know that the minutes go oh too fast. If you have ever spent a few seconds looking deeply into the eyes of your beloved, you know that time can stand still.

Thus, a few seconds can seem like an hour, and an hour can seem like a few seconds. It is their content that produces our experiences of their length.

In whatever way they are experienced, however, moments come and moments go before you know it, and then they are called memories. They become etched in your mind. They are yours for a lifetime, and no one can take them away from you. Nor can you rid yourself of the ones you don’t wish to keep.

Moments that will soon turn into memories are going on right now, as you are reading this . . . and through all of them – the slow ones and the oh too fast ones – the good ones and the not so nice ones – the fun ones and the ones that are boring and dreary – there is only one thing that matters.

Because most people have no idea who that is, they miss it. Moment, after moment, after moment, they miss it. After many years, they realize this, but by then it is too late. Nothing that can be done about the moments that have passed.

But there is good news. Something can be done about the moment that is coming up. And about the one after that. And the hundreds more that will arrive this day. And the thousands more that will appear this week. And the millions more that will happen this month. And the billions more that will happen this year. And the trillions more that will present themselves before you die.

Yes, about those something can be done. And as you contemplate what you can do about those upcoming moments in your life, and how you want to experience them, you will know one thing. What you don’t want to do is waste them. Not anymore. No . . . not anymore.

As I read the final lines of the excerpt at the closing of my grandmother’s eulogy, a million tiny dots connected in my mind, and I experienced more clarity than I had in years. From the podium, I caught my husband’s gaze, and I knew that he felt it too.

Just one month later, I resigned from my safe and secure job and set out to follow my passion. It was time to create the blog. It was time to write the book. I decided never to waste any of my precious moments again.

My grandmother gave me a priceless and irreplaceable gift: the inspiration to live for REAL.

Death is not REAL.

When hearts stop beating, energy changes form and beings cross over to a non-physical dimension; but life does carry on in those forms and dimensions. REAL life travels in a circular motion; and therefore, like the wreaths that adorn our windows and doors this time of year, it is unending.

Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped into the next room . . . life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was . . .there is absolute and unbroken continuity. ~Henry Scott Holland



 

When someone you love passes away, it is difficult to accept the fact that you can no longer physically touch him or her, or look into his or her eyes. It takes time, as one of my favorite John O’Donohue blessings describes, to gradually learn acquaintance with the invisible form of your departed. . . and wean your eyes from that gap in the air. Gap in the air . . . isn’t that the perfect way to describe it? Out of habit, you turn to share some thought or story with your passed loved one; but when you look over your shoulder and start talking, you realize that there is no one else there. 

Or is there? Are they gone, for REAL?

Sometimes the most REAL things in the world are the things we can’t see. ~Polar Express

The REAL tea is that, though loved ones become intangible and invisible to us after they pass from the Earth, they can be seen and sensed in new ways. I have experienced this, and it is for REAL. My departed family and friends communicate to me in a variety of ways: through lucid dreaming, musical lyrics, movie lines and scenes, words that come through in random conversations with other people (often strangers), experiences I have in nature, books I read, and number patterns.

I have walked around smelling the unique scent of a loved one, as if she was standing right next to me all day. I have seen an old handed-down clock with no battery begin to tick on the anniversary day on which the person who had owned it had crossed over. I have found meaningful objects mysteriously placed under my pillow, items that no one in my house had touched or moved. I have attended individual and group readings and medium events where I have witnessed departed loved ones sending answers to questions that participants had only ever asked within the silence of their hearts. I could go on and on…

I notice these whispers from the other side, because I choose to be fully awake, mindful, and open to receiving them. You can too. Perhaps  you already have?

Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another. ~Albert Einstein

 

To be clear, none of this has to do with getting on a religious soapbox or going on a paranormal rampage. This isn’t about church, and it isn’t about ghosts. It is about recognizing an often overlooked, yet very REAL, truth. You are a brilliant ball of energy, and so is every other person. Energy does not disappear, it simply changes in state. When someone you love crosses over to the non-physical dimension, he or she is not gone . . .  he or she is just transformed into a new state. Hence, the way in which you interact with him or her must also transform.

The REAL tea is that you do have the power to communicate with your passed over loved ones any time you wish (if you wish). The mere utterance of a departed beloved’s name will bring him or her to your side instantaneously. No sh*t. It happens.

Embrace this as a possibility, open your third eye, and slow down so that you can tune into a new frequency. Look up from the chaos of daily living long enough to gain spiritual focus, and you will receive messages over the spiritual airwaves.

Try it! Make it simple: Say your passed loved one’s name out loud, and repeat it over and over in your mind. Picture that person sitting right across from you, and ask him or her to send you a sign that they s/he is around and listening. Don’t be too specific about the type of sign you want, spirits enjoy being creative and want to come up with their own unique methods. Trust that the answer will come, and that you will recognize it when it presents itself. Stay open and awake.

Try it! Add to your spiritual toolkit: If you don’t already have one, treat yourself to a deck of angel cards. Shop around, and find a deck that REALly speaks to you (i.e., do the theme and imagery resonate?). Use the deck as a channel through which to ask for guidance from your passed loved ones and other guardians, and implement either daily or weekly personal readings into your routine.

Email me via my contact page when you receive your answer, or tell me about similar experiences you have already had. I would love to hear your stories!

Calling All Angels

In July of this year, I made an appointment at one of my favorite local shops, Full-heart Soulutions, with a fabulous local angel reader, Doreen Marie. I have seen her about once a year for three years (though she only knows my first name), and I always come away from the sessions with poignant and helpful messages from my angels and departed loved ones.

In mid-summer, I was in the throes of making several changes in my life; and I was eager to hear what my guides, guardians, and ancestors had to share with me about my new path. I was especially eager to hear from my grandmother, and I asked her to show up. Within minutes of the session starting, Doreen told me that there was a woman standing behind me that she sensed was a grandmother figure. She described my grandmother vividly and said that she was holding out a dozen yellow roses and saying “congratulations” to me regarding my new creative endeavors. Apparently, my grandmother stuck around for the whole reading.

Towards the end, Grand-mom asked Doreen to pass along with word, ruby, guessing it was someone’s name. Doreen did not recall that just 2 years before, my maternal grandfather, “Poppy,” had come through and was holding his ruby ring (which I had been given when he passed). The morning of that original reading, I had been alone in my bedroom, held his ring in my hand, and asked him to assure me of his presence by showing up to my reading and saying something about the ruby. I never told anyone that I had asked him to do that, but he did.

It was great to hear from him again.

Signs and Seas

This is the first December in my life that my grandmother, Mary, is not in the physical world. I have not been sad, though, because she has shown herself and said hello to me in so many ways over the last few weeks. She took the form of a blue jay and flew across my path during a trail run. She managed to make my music spontaneously switch over (mid-song) to Nat King Cole when I was driving alone. She said a soft hello when I opened an unexpected package from her hospice care team, a beautiful holiday ornament. Still, I have continued to secretly long for additional affirmation that she is nearby. And I have received it . . .

 

Earlier this month, this intriguing text came through from a good friend: “Just finished a movie that had a sea of trees in it. If you closed your eyes and listened to the sound of the windows blowing through the forest, it sounded just like you were at the beach. The treetops even moved in waves. Totally thought of you!”

A sea of trees. . . the image resonated with me and conjured a warm and comforting feeling. I was immediately at peace just imagining what my friend described. She knows me well. If you asked me to make a list of the top 5 settings I would most wish to immerse myself in, by the ocean and in the forest would both be on it.

Within a day or two of reading the message, I discovered that a movie called The Sea of Trees had indeed been recently added to Netflix. When I stumbled upon it, I felt a gentle tug to watch it (though I had no clue what it was about, but hey, it starred Matthew Mcconaughey!). I refrained from uploading it in that moment, however. Something deep down inside told me that I would intuitively know when the time was right to press play.

Two weeks later, my husband asked me if I felt like watching a movie. A switch immediately flipped in me when he asked, and a wide grin spread across my face. You guessed it – I suggested The Sea of Trees.

 

I won’t ruin the movie for you by going into too much detail about how my grandmother showed up as I watched the ending, but I will share the text I sent my friend just after viewing:

“Marty and I just watched Sea of Trees. . . been on my mind since you texted me about the wind blowing through the trees when you watched it. . . o. . . . m. . . . g. . . had no idea what it was about. WOW! About as REAL as it gets. And guess what? Have had my G-mom Trail on my mind a lot lately, a first Christmas without her.. . saw bluebirds on my run a couple of days ago (my sign for her, or should I say her sign for me). Her b-day is Dec 18 and she was married on Feb 14. . . her favorite season was winter and her favorite color was yellow… the Universe is a mysterious, glorious, and awe-inspiring place. No accident that you planted that seed and unconsciously encouraged me to watch the movie now.”

 

REAL Transparency

To be REAL, I was hesitant to write this blog. The prospect of communicating in any way with the non-physical world can make people uncomfortable, and I understand and appreciate that is a touchy topic for many.

I even started another blog, because I was so conflicted about posting this one. Each time I doubted myself, though, another sign arrived and encouraged me to stay on course. Once the door is opened, the messages are non-stop (which is REALly cool!).

This past Wednesday, my oldest daughter, Ella, visited Doreen for her first angel card reading (Doreen had no idea she was my daughter). Ella later told me that as soon as she sat down, Doreen explained that there was a woman standing behind her who was saying she was the person after whom Ella is named. She described a younger version of my grandmother, Mary, with long legs, auburn hair . . . the whole bit.

My daughter’s full name is Isabella Maria, but for the longest time I toyed with naming her Mary Ella (Mary, after my dad’s mother). I ultimately decided on integrating my Italian heritage into the mix, and ended up using Maria, the Italian form of Mary, as a middle name. 

Reportedly, my grandmother stuck around for Ella’s whole session. Towards the end, Doreen told Ella that a light-eyed man also appeared, calling himself either pop or poppy, and talking about something or someone called ruby.

I laughed through tears as she recounted the story. I heard the message loud and clear, and here we are.

They want you to know that your departed loved ones never REALly did depart. They are always only one heartbeat away from you, in any given moment. 

And when the work of grief is done, the wound of loss will heal and you will have learned to wean your eyes from that gap in the air and be able to enter the hearth in your soul, where your loved one has awaited your return all the time.  ~O’Donohue

All is well.

And that, my friends, is the REAL tea.

Get REAL inspired about seeing REAL signs from your departed loved ones, and begin to communicate with them in REAL ways. Check out more REAL resources in the library!

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REAL Peace for Inspired and Joyful Living

Peace on Earth, and goodwill to men.

We often hear this hopeful sentiment during the holiday season. This feel-good phrase acts as a blessing of sorts, a wish for the universe to experience calm, joy, and unity. It expresses a desirable and enticing concept, of course; yet it is an idea that can be difficult to envision as a REAL possibility.

Does REAL peace exist? Can REAL peace be created?

Most people contemplate these questions at various points in their lives. Many ponder them on a daily basis, especially now. It is difficult to escape these kinds of doubting wonders when we operate in a world that constantly bombards us with evidence of violence, anger, and general turmoil.

You can shield yourself from some of that by unplugging more and significantly limiting your media intake (an approach I use and highly recommend); but unless you live as an authentic hermit, it is hard to ignore and avoid completely. Being entirely cut off from information and people doesn’t align with fostering a balanced life of REAL wellness anyway. You require a minimal amount of data in order to survive and function, and pure isolation is simply not healthy.

So where does that leave you in the quest for REAL calm, joy, and unity?

How can you find REAL peace and REAL rest in a society which reflects a seemingly steady state of unrest?

Where on Earth can you look for peace?

I recently came across an intriguing Happinez magazine article (issue14) about Arun Gandhi, the grandson of Indian spiritual leader and politician, Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948). It talked about the life lessons Arun learned from his grandfather, his own views on ways to achieve peace in today’s world, and his new book, The Gift of Anger, which he wrote as a way to share his grandfather’s legacy and teachings.

Arun says, “A peaceful world cannot be created or imposed from the top down. Change doesn’t require big organizations or institutions. Every individual makes a difference.”

In other words, friend, you have the REAL power to make a difference from where you now sit. The one and only caveat: you don’t have the responsibility to do all of the saving of all of the world by yourself (admit it, there are plenty of you reading this who are figuratively killing yourselves trying to do just that).

It is important to stay away from playing the role of superwoman or superman. Get away from the “I have to save the whole world” mentality. That’s not how any of this works! There is no one person fit for the job of saving the entire world single-handedly. Remember that poignant line in Avicii’s song, Wake Me Up? “I tried carrying the weight of the world, but I only have two hands.”

You only have two hands. You can’t (and don’t have to) do it all, and neither can any individual leader, country, or institution. What you can do, however, is take ownership of your personal piece of the world and make it your mission to save that. It is all about taking responsibility for generating peace in your life by rocking your own REAL stuff within your own space.

Peace is personal.

Arun’s overall message stumbles upon a cornerstone concept of REAL living. You were born with the power to create whatever reality you choose for yourself (and for your world). If your vision for a REAL life includes an environment of peace, it is up to you to make it happen.

The REAL tea is that the creation of anything REAL, peace included, begins and buds at a personal level. As with pretty much everything at play in the universe, REAL movement – on any front – starts (and ends) with you. Profound shifts of any kind occur from the inside out, not from the outside in.

You need not look to world leaders and influential moguls to cultivate and support REAL peace on the globe, you need only walk into the closest bathroom and look at the person in the mirror. I am pretty sure that leaders and moguls use the bathroom too. . . imagine the possibilities if they all championed peace by beginning with the man in the mirror?

Yes, you should do your part to stay educated to ensure that you are offering support to peace-minded and forward-thinking heads of state and industry trend-setters. At the end of the day, however, you only have REAL control over what you do to inspire a REAL shift for the better.

If you don’t think you have the power to instigate bigtime change from the little bubble you are standing in, you are mistaken. That is your fear-based, skeptical mind talking. Don’t let your ego brain fool you into thinking that this is a next-to-impossible or monumental undertaking. Allow your wise intuition to guide you into taking small palatable steps that will ripple out and create tidal waves of crazy good transformation.

 

You can promote peace with a piecemeal approach.

Creating a REAL life is done in simple and bite-sized chunks, and at a moderate and manageable pace. The same approach applies to impacting the world in positive ways and facilitating REAL change (i.e., inspiring REAL peace!). This does not have to be an overwhelming or complicated task, friends.

Arun suggests that “the only path to peace is to be the change we wish to see in the world. That means we must begin as individuals to learn to live in peace and find peace of mind. Most people don’t know deep in their hearts what that is. They tend to believe that peace means the absence of war. That’s a huge misunderstanding. “

Amen.

What does peace mean for you? Define it.

Deep in your heart, what does peace look like? How would you describe peace of mind? There are no right or wrong answers. Responses will vary greatly, and they should. REAL peace will mean something different to you than it does to me.

Many definitions of peace have to do with the condition of non-war, treaties and agreements, and freedom from civil commotion and violence. Others identify peace as freedom of mind from anxiety and distraction, a state of tranquility and serenity, or the experience of silence and stillness.

One or more of these may resonate, or you might have a completely different concept of what REAL peace is. Feel free to use these more common interpretations as your foundation and build your own customized description of what REAL peace is. A bit of reflective quiet time will be required for this exercise (but hey, you can get that time in the car or in the shower . . . none of this has to be a big production).

Prompts to help you with crafting your personalized definition:

  • Which types of situations make you calm inside? Which make you feel less stressed? Which cause you to experience less anxiety?
  • What other emotions do you associate with peace? What types of situations inspire those peaceful emotions within you?
  • When was the last time you felt truly at peace and/or experienced those other similar emotions? What were the circumstances surrounding those times?

The answers to these questions will help you draft your unique definition of REAL peace.

Word to the wise: the definition you come up with will be a working one, and you can fully expect it to change form over time. You will consistently evolve, and so too will your characterization of things like peace. Plan to revisit, reassess, and revise yours periodically.

How can you bake more peace into your moments and days? Do it.

Once you have developed a clearer understanding of what REAL peace means to you in the present moment, use your personalized definition as a reference and set aside some time to ponder the following questions:

  • What are the situations that promote peace for you?
  • What are the situations that take away your peace?
  • Who are the people who promote peace within you?
  • Who are the people who drain you of peace?
  • What are the places that inspire peace within you?
  • What are the places that rob you of peace?
  • What are the activities and event types that generate peace for you?
  • What are the activities and event types that steal peace from you?
  • What are the topics that infuse peace into your conversations?
  • What are the topics that sabotage communication for you and detract the peace from otherwise productive discussions?

Step 1: Write your thoughts down as you run through this REAL peace inventory. Leave some space between each entry.
Step 2: Go back through each category and add at least one starter action you can take to add more of what promotes peace and to alleviate more of what does not bring peace to you.

Remember, this is a process you will tackle in small and simple steps. Begin by implementing gradual adjustments that can be inserted into your daily existence with relative ease.

Example: If there is someone in your life whom you pinpoint as a peace-drainer, don’t pressure yourself by thinking you must completely cut them off immediately (which isn’t always logistically possible). Rather, consider subtly limiting your interaction time with him/her, and/or changing up the setting around those interactions (ensure that necessary together time is in a peace-generating environment, or that it includes other peace-invoking people (i.e., proactively install buffers!!)).

Smooth your path to peace with healthy doses of goodwill.

Performing an act of goodwill is one of the quickest ways you can inspire peace. Showing kindness and love to someone makes you feel good, it makes the receiver feel good, and it infuses a massive amount of good energy into the universe. It is a win-win-win. A 3-dimensional victory. A trifecta for REAL peace.

Goodwill is all about practicing charity, and – as you might have heard – charity begins at home. Your first home is yourself. Your second home is with your family and friends. Your third home is within your community. These three homes create that personal piece of the world that I talked about taking ownership of and creating peace within. These are the spaces in which you can begin to whip up steady doses of peace, joy, and unity.

To get started, take some time to consider the following:

  • How do you show good will to yourself? (I start with you, because you can’t give to others what you do not know how to give to yourself)
  • How do you demonstrate good will to your friends and family?
  • How do you offer good will to your community?

If your self-assessment has you coming up short on one front or another, think of at least one new way you can start to promote peace in that particular home (and add these ideas and goals to your notes from the previous reflective exercises).

Keep your approach simple and manageable. Grand gestures are nice, but smaller ones are just as meaningful. Set aside a weekly time to enjoy one of your favorite peaceful activities, make it your mission to compliment each person in your household at least once a week, decide to share only positive material and feel-good sentiments with your social media networks, vow to pick up trash whenever you see it on the ground, or make it a point to be kinder and patient to people in the stores and on the road. I think you get the idea.

Claim your peace. Own your peace. Be peace.

Living for REAL is all about using your creative and loving power to manifest moments and days that are filled with peace and ease. It is about recognizing that REAL peace is a lifestyle and a choice.

It is about being aware and awake enough to see that peace does exist. It is about understanding that inspiring and cultivating REAL peace is an inside job, and it is about accepting responsibility to do that job.

Decide today to make peace on Earth and goodwill to men your daily mantra.

Claim ownership of your REAL peace and do whatever you reasonably can to share it.

RIP is an expression that was never meant for the dead, it is meant for the living.
And that’s the REAL tea.
Rest in peace, friends, and may peace bewitch you all~

 

Get REAL inspired about creating REAL peace and goodwill in your world, and check out more REAL resources in the library!

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Gifts of REAL Rest & REAL Reflection

For many years, I thought of the late fall and early winter months as a time when everything outside looked dead and dull. Admittedly, it was a bit depressing looking at the world through that lens. I saw naked trees with bare limbs, grass turning from green to brown, a sky that looked more gray than blue on most days, and flocks of birds abandoning the forest in search of warmer air. The Earth seemed quiet, drab, and lonely.

Aside from playing in the snow on occasion, I didn’t usually venture outside much from November through April. I definitely didn’t take the time to engage with nature, except to periodically look around and note how barren and boring everything seemed. Christmas lights brightened the scenery for a spell, but they were only a short-lived respite from an otherwise gloomy landscape.

When I made the decision to live for REAL, my perspective shifted.

Cold, crisp autumn and winter days have more recently become my favorite times to take walks/runs and reflect. Being out-of-doors and breathing in fresh air gets me grounded and helps to clear my head of the scary stuff that can creep in and fill it up. It allows me to disconnect from the noise of society (and of my very loud mind!), and to reconnect to the Earth and the elements.

Because I go outside often, I am now in much closer touch with the cycles that nature travels through each season. I have come to REALize that the winter trees and grass are not damaged or dead, but that they have simply changed form. Now when I take my strolls and jogs during these colder months, I observe that things have merely quieted down and entered into a state of calm and replenishment. All is still alive and well. I understand that nature has begun to shed all unnecessary elements from the past year and is deliberately slowing down to be, rest, and restore.

Nature Provides REAL Cues for REAL Living

When you decide to live for REAL, you start to recognize that you are just as much an element of the natural world as a tree, a bird, or a blade of grass. You remember that you are fueled by the same powerful energy that gives life to all that is, and you awaken to the truth that your survival and progress are supported by the same universal principles by which nature operates. In turn, you learn to take your cues from Mother Nature.

Even if you don’t have full awareness of the deep connection you have with nature and its cycles, you will still sense and experience it at some level. Your intuition tells you that the end of the year is a time when you, too, should be settling in for restoration and reflection. However, the ego tries to convince you that the demands of the holiday season will never allow for any type of restful break.

Nature is pulling you to slow down, take pause, and calmly breathe your way into the year ahead. Society is pushing you to speed up, get going, and run full force into the next activity, the next celebration, and the next year. This internal tug of war creates a conflict. It results in the lingering presence of a free-floating anxiety that you are never REALly able to accurately identify or explain. Hence, December stress sets in.

 

Scrap Busy, Go with Being

If the notion of slowing down, pressing pause, and building quiet time into your daily life sounds inviting but improbable (especially in December), I would not be surprised. Society, on the whole, is not at all in support of rest time, quiet time, or any other kind of time that does not involve producing, doing, or accomplishing something. The world teaches us that busyness, fast-paced living, and overbooked schedules are signs of importance, achievement, and contribution. It is often inferred that down time is “dead” time, and that slower-moving people with “idle” moments to spare are generally lazy, non-contributing, and lost.

Authors Susan Pearse and Martina Sheehan capture this faulty thinking beautifully in their brilliant book, Do Less Be More: “In the modern world, ‘busy’ is being worn as a badge of honor, a symbol of success, or a new way to display importance.”  In short, the world today tells us that busyness equates to worthiness.

Um . .  I don’t think so.

Pearse and Sheehan don’t think so either: “Having more, doing more, working more, worrying more, and trying more don’t automatically lead to achieving more, experiencing more, or enjoying more. In fact, the hustle and bustle of ceaseless activity and urgent expectation only serves to lift levels of stress, frustration, disappointment, and unhappiness. Busyness is a barrier to self-reflection, a hindrance to novel solutions, and a smokescreen to clarity.”

Creating a REAL life of wellness requires a deliberate effort to knock down the barriers of busyness and noise. It involves answering nature’s call to balance periods of activity with periods of rest. Rest sets the stage for REAL reflection. REAL reflection sets the stage for REAL growth and change.

It is time to take Mother Nature’s cue, friend.

Three Wise Gifts: Presents that offer Presence

I am not really feeling the gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Can you please box up some stillness, silence, and solitude instead?

You won’t require jewels or perfume to lay the groundwork for restoration and reflection, and you definitely won’t need any “wise” kings swooping in to assist. You were born with all of the REAL wisdom needed to achieve REAL presence and rest, and you have always had the internal tools to build a solid platform for REAL reflection.

 

Stillness, silence, and solitude are three such tools that are consistently underrated and overlooked. Yet, a mere 15 minutes per/day of this magical mix can transform your world in very positive ways. Fifteen minutes equates to about 1% of your 24-hour day.

 

Stillness

It is one of the mysterious paradoxes of life: the more still you are, the greater your potential to move and grow in a REAL way. Society tells you that being still is unproductive and a waste of time, but the REAL truth is that stillness creates REAL presence; and REAL presence is often the catalyst for REAL breakthroughs and inspirations.

My best writing ideas have come to me during moments of pause and stillness. When I am laying on the sand, or sitting quietly on a park bench, or simply meditating cross-legged on my apartment floor, the noise of the world turns down enough for my soul to speak and be heard. I give my higher self a space to breathe and express itself.

My husband, a business owner and entrepreneur, always seems to come up with his most brilliant strategies when he is sitting still on the back of our boat. It doesn’t make a difference whether he is out in the ocean or tied to the pier. When he slows down and sits still on that fiberglass, the creative floodgates open for him. It never fails.

Pearse and Sheehan agree that, “The greatest leaps forward, not just throughout history, but for every one of us in our regular lives, rely on our willingness to stop and hear the whisper-quiet voice of our own deep knowledge and wisdom. Unless you value liberal doses of doing nothing, you are not giving your full potential the chance to emerge.” 

It doesn’t matter where or when you decide to do it, just sit still and be.

Not sure where to begin? Polish up your stillness skills, and start through guided meditation.

 

Silence

The value of silence is not just a philosophical phenomenon, it is a scientific one as well. Studies suggest that regular doses of silence not only boost peace and self-awareness, but they support healthy brain development.

Pearse and Sheehan assure us that, “A total transformation takes place in your brain when you slow down, look up, let go, and fall silent.”  They challenge us by asking, “How would your life be different if you lived by the philosophy that an important way to find answers is not to fill your mind with other opinions and more information, but to remove yourself from it all and let the silence weave its magic?”

Finding silence in your moments and days doesn’t have to be overly-complicated. Make things easy on yourself by searching your everyday environment for places and circumstances that lend themselves to quiet moments.

  • Leave the buds at home and walk, run, or exercise without sound.
  • Turn off the radio in the car.
  • Leave the TV and stereo off from time to time.
  • Take the quieter country route to the next destination.
  • Revel in the silent time you get in the shower or bath.
  • Stay in bed for the first 5 waking minutes of the day and enjoy the natural silence.
  • Find a quiet place to take your lunch break.

SSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!

Solitude

When you periodically limit the crowd to you, yourself, and you, you have a much better shot at hearing your own voice and getting to know yourself in a REAL way. Solitude also fosters productivity, focus, creativity, and clarity.

Carving out alone time is not about isolating yourself from others, but rather it is about setting aside time to form an intimate relationship with yourself. For many people, the prospect of being alone is scary, and one they avoid at all costs. It can be challenging and uncomfortable to sit with yourself and your thoughts, because there will likely be some not-so-fun stuff that bubbles to the surface.

 

 

In order to gain a REAL understanding of who you are and what a REAL life would look like for you, reflective alone time is an essential requirement. The not-so-fun thoughts and feelings are just as crucial to be with and process as the warm-and-fuzzy ones. We will do the work together. I promise that any temporary pain will lead to immense, long term gain.

Think outside of the box (or maybe crawl into one!) to find your alone time:

 

  • Close your door every now and then (to the office, to the bedroom, to the bathroom).
  • Unplug, and go off-grid and offline (at least once a day).
  • Wake up 10 minutes earlier than your housemates, and have your morning coffee or tea with yourself.
  • Stay up a bit later than your housemates and snuggle up with a good book or with your journal.
  • Exercise independently or take a walk/run by yourself.
  • Eat a meal without any company.
  • Take yourself on a date (or if you want to get REAL crazy, take a solo weekend trip).

Begin to get up close and personal with yourself!!!!

A REAL Gift 

The month of December acts as a bridge between the ending of one cycle and the beginning of another, and it is the ideal time to hit the brakes, refresh, and prepare for renewal. You are standing on the edge of a new beginning, and you are smack in the center of the season of giving.

Now is the perfect time to give something REAL to yourself. Allow yourself the chance to follow your true nature and align with the present moment. Slow the pace down, press pause, and create daily opportunities for restoration and rejuvenation.

During this traditionally jam-packed month, you will need regular doses of peaceful, alone time more than ever.

Be. Rest. Restore.

You draw energy from stillness. Quiet offers strength. Rest is power.

And that, my friends, is the REAL holiday tea.

 

Get REAL inspired about practicing REAL restoration and reflection through  stillness, silence, and solitude, and check out more REAL resources in the library!

By

Cultivating the Flow of Abundance: The Art of Authentic Receiving

I have always been a giver.

I love surprising people with little presents for no reason. I am a champion of random card and inspirational text sending. I enjoy coordinating birthday celebrations for friends and family, and I willingly take the lead in organizing annual holiday adopt-a-family efforts. It makes me feel good to make others feel happy, and I am not ashamed to admit that.

What I am a little slower to broadcast is that I struggle with being a good receiver. I think back to memories like the time I brought a gift for each of my hosting girlfriends when I arrived at my own baby shower. Lol. It was clearly a day when I was meant to receive the presents, and yet I could not resist offering something back to the people who wanted to give to me. It was a nice gesture, but also sort of a silly one. What made it so difficult to accept generosity without offering something in return?

 

The Hidden Side of Gratitude

These days, everyone is abuzz about the importance of practicing gratitude and giving back to the world. Especially during the holiday season, we are encouraged to focus more of our attention on counting our blessings and blessing others. Certainly, these are worthy calls to action which inherently create tons of positive energy in the Universe. Being a proud self-proclaimed giver myself, you will find no argument from me on the benefits of taking an attitude of gratitude and paying it forward.

But what about the other side of giving? What are the benefits of graciously receiving a gift, and what can we learn about ourselves when that part of the cycle is a challenge?

Abundance is a Two-Way Path

Abundance is another word that we hear tossed around a lot, especially during the last 2 months of the year. Defined as being an extremely plentiful supply or an overflowing fullness, abundance goes hand in hand with the theme of taking stock of blessings and kicking our charitable engines into high gear. When we recognize and show gratitude for the abundance in our lives, and share that abundance with others, we generate love in the world.

People often use the terms abundance and flow in the same sentence, and that is no accident. Abundance is indeed designed to have a very REAL and dynamic flow when it is operating at full and optimum capacity. It creates a seamless and circular flow of ease when it moves both outward and inward without interruption. You energize that flow by spreading the love and giving, and you also infuse life into the cycle by taking in the love and receiving. The energy must travel in both directions.

The REAL tea is that most people are incredible givers and mediocre receivers. The unfortunate by-product of this imbalanced skillset is a universal flow of abundance that is blocked and unable to provide the infinite prosperity that exists.

REAL Receptivity is the REAL Solution

A friend recently recommended that I buy a little red book called The Go-Giver. It is a quick but profound read that uses a fictional tale to describe what the authors identify as The Five Laws of Stratospheric Success. Without going into details that might ruin it for you (as I am hoping you will also devour it soon!!), the story unveils a very interesting recipe for cultivating abundance in every area of your life.

The laws covered in the book are listed below, with my favorite key truth defined and bolded.

  • The Law of Value
  • The Law of Compensation
  • The Law of Influence
  • The Law of Authenticity
  • The Law of Receptivity – The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

“All the giving in the world won’t bring success, won’t create the results you want, unless you make yourself willing and able to receive in like measure. Because if you don’t let yourself receive, you’re refusing the gifts of others – and you shut down the flow.”

~Pindar, The Go-Giver.

When it is presented in this way, the concept of effective receiving makes perfect sense. When you willingly and shamelessly receive with an open heart, you actually offer the giving person the gift of knowing that s/he loved and supported you. Thus, when you receive, you are also giving in a rather unique way. It’s a simple concept, so why is it so hard to put into action? What gives?

What Gives?

Society places almost all of its emphasis on teaching children how to be good givers (and next to none on developing the talent of gracious receiving).

Let’s be REAL honest: the idea that receiving and taking are useful skills to fine tune just isn’t a very popular one.

To compound the issue, your ego voice warns you away from the practice of receiving by scaring you with crazy, fear-based lies. These pop up in the form of thoughts such as:

  • You are not worthy of receiving love or support.
  • If you accept help, you will be in debt to someone, and the scorecard will be uneven (remember, this whole life thing is a competition!).
  • You will look weak and display pathetic vulnerability if you take assistance from others.
  • It is better to be seen as a giver, because it will gain you more admiration, approval, and clout. No one respects those who take charity.

It is important to remember that your ego operates from a place of scarcity. It worries that there is not enough to go around, and that you need to take an “every man for himself” approach in life in order to succeed and get an adequate supply of the goods. REAL living involves recognizing that the ego likes to bend the truth, and that it must be challenged and kept in check if you want to create a life of ease and abundance.

The next time someone offers you help, or a gift, or a compliment, pay attention to your knee-jerk inner reaction. Do any of the messages above surface? Increasing your awareness of these  thought patterns is the first step in breaking the negative cycles they cause.

REAL Abundance for REAL Life

REAL living is fueled by gratitude and generosity, but it is also energized by receiving gracefully and gratefully, without the need to diminish yourself or bring an agenda of equality into the mix.

Now would be a good time to do an internal check-in and look at ways you might be cutting off the flow of abundance in your life. Take pauses, be aware of your inner chatter, and work to replace those paranoid ego thoughts with intuitive ones that reflect faith in the universe’s infinite supply of REALly amazing stuff!

The REAL truth is that the world’s well is always full and its harvest knows no bounds. There is more than enough to go around.

It is time to trash the old story that going it alone, without the support of others, is the best way to proceed. Let the love and kindness sink in, and allow yourself to be filled to the brim with the generosity of others. Give the people in your world the wonderful gift of receiving their offerings with pleasure.

Practice authentic receiving , and watch abundance flow freely and magically through and around you.

REAL living holds limitless abundance, and that’s the REAL tea.

Get REAL inspired about cultivating REAL abundance through REAL receiving, and check out more REAL resources in the library!

By

A REAL Rhapsody: Recognizing and Winning the Epic Battle of Intuition vs. Ego

I went to see the new movie, Bohemian Rhapsody, this past Sunday. Wow.

I have always loved Queen’s music, so it came as no surprise that I enjoyed the picture. What I wasn’t prepared for was the unanticipated revelation that, in many ways, Farrokh Bulsara – a.k.a., Freddie Mercury – created and lived a very REAL life. Rather, in the language of his band’s signature song, he created and lived a REAL bohemian rhapsody.

Did you know that the primary definition of rhapsody is an ecstatic expression or feeling of enthusiasm? Related words listed include: tirade, exultation, euphoria, elation, exhilaration, contentment, and communion. A Bohemian? That’s a person who lives and acts free of regard for conventional rules and practices. Does the idea of non-traditional euphoria resonate with you?

It should, because the REAL tea is that REAL living is indeed meant to be an ecstatic and enthusiastic tirade of euphoria, exhilaration, contentment, and communion with one’s self and with all that is! And creating a REAL life often requires the brave abandonment of long-established philosophies and popular “wisdom.”

REAL life should be EPIC.

A rhapsody can also be defined as an epic poem, and Freddie Mercury’s story is indeed epic. Some would call it an epic tragedy, others an epic legend. Either way, there are very REAL lessons in his legacy.

While he clearly made some choices that caused suffering for himself and others, there is no denying that Freddie knew at a soul level that he was created to be a ground-breaking musical artist. In spite of his circumstances, and in direct opposition to negative feedback and criticism from industry “experts,” he fiercely followed his passion and his intuition when it came to how he composed and entertained. And after years of battling his ego-driven fears around being gay, he again chose soul over reason, ultimately freeing himself from the need to hide a very REAL part of who he was.

Throughout his journey, intuition and spirit victoriously prevailed over ego and mind. I call that a REAL win. I call that EPIC.

Goodbye, everybody. I’ve got to go. Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.

It is both haunting and serendipitously comforting that Freddie left us a part of his legacy message in the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody. In the song, he actually bids us farewell and says he must leave us behind in order to face the truth. What is that truth?

The REAL truth is that following intuition instead of ego paves the way to REAL living. Allowing your gut instinct to trump your rational mind will enhance your power to create a REAL life. Following your heart and soul, even when it means going against the grain of reason and risking harsh ridicule and judgement, is the ticket to freedom and the key to experiencing life in a REAL, live-and-in-color way.

Is this the REAL life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from REALity.

Does living a REAL life of elation and contentment, absent of concern with outside judgement and approval, sound like just a fantasy to you? It might.

Does that mean it is cannot be true or become REAL? Hell to the no!

The REAL you knows with full certainty that REAL living is not just a pipe dream, but your soul-based knowledge gets muddied up and even concealed by all of the ego-driven junk that gets thrown at you. Thus, an internal battle ensues: inner knowing versus outer noise.

The epic war of ego and intellect versus intuition and spirit has been playing out since you were born. All day long, you listen to the arguing voices from these conflicting camps. It can leave you feeling like you are caught in a landslide with no escape.

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.

A friend once told me that the only devil she believes in is the ego. I can relate, and I would be willing to bet that you can too.

Your ego voice is your mind’s voice. It speaks a language that functions from a place that is guarded, doubtful, fearful, questioning, analytical, logical, and purely intellectual. This voice shouts at a deafening decibel and is an expert at drowning out the intuitive murmurs of your soul.

To its credit, the ego is designed to protect you (which is a plus). On the flip side, however, it tends to take its cues from historical data only, be overly influenced by society-driven fears, and has no tolerance for risk-taking. Boo!!

You can’t live for REAL if you are slave to the past, play by outdated rules, and never take any chances.

Thoughts that leave you feeling trapped with no way to escape, thoughts like, “I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me” are false notions that are generated by the ego. Whenever you have a thought that stems from fear (false evidence appearing REAL), that is your ever-doubtful and unceasingly worried ego voice talking.

 

Easy come, easy go. Will you let me go? . . . Just gotta get right outta here.

Intuition fuels your capacity to flow more easily with the changing winds of life, and it is perpetually working to break you loose from the grasp of the ego and rescue you from your mind. Like Tony Robbins, it knows that “when you’re in your head, you’re dead.”

Your intuition is your soul’s voice. It speaks a language that functions from a place of vulnerability, faith, love, affirmation, gut instinct, risk, and pure spirit. This voice whispers in a soft manner, and the silence of reflective solitude is typically needed in order to decipher its soft words and quiet communications.

Living for REAL means recognizing that there is a common source energy fueling your intuitive power, and that transitioning into a space where intuition is the primary operating system of your life is key to creating your REAL life.

Your soul-based, higher self holds every answer and solution that you will ever need. Your intuition is the voice of your higher self. It is also the voice of your angels, your Source, and of the Universe. In all cases, your intuition holds the power to guide you.

Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see!

Once you open and sharpen the focus of your spiritual eye, your 3rd eye, all the tools you need to win the internal battle of intuition vs. ego will come clearly into view. You have the power. This awareness alone is an important step toward victory.

 

Taming the ego and cultivating REAL intuition is “an inside job.” It is a solo gig, and it takes deliberate and dedicated effort. Tapping into and strengthening your intuitive muscle requires daily doses of down time, reflection, and mindfulness. REAL Exercises that have worked well for me include:

Your REAL Rhapsody

You can merely exist at the beckoning of your ego voice, creating a life filled with safe and predictable experiences. There is no shame in staying nestled in your comfort zone.

Or . . .

 

You could start to answer the calls of your intuition, and create a REAL rhapsody of a life, filled with fabulous tirades of exhilaration and imperfect amazingness. It could be . . . EPIC.

You have the power to choose.

And that’s the REAL tea.

Get REAL inspired about using your REAL power to cultivate REAL intuition and check out more REAL resources in the library!