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Embracing Change in REAL & Inspiring Ways

I have had the pleasure of spending the better part of these last 2018 mornings nestled on my couch, listening to soft jazz, and reflecting on the happenings and blessings of recent days.

With my new cozy, Be Happy slippers warming my feet, piping hot coffee filling my new Thankful for You Mom mug, and my new fresh balsam candle emitting a crisp winter forest scent, I have savored the start-of-day stillness and allowed my thoughts to gently wonder.

The common thread that has weaved together the images, memories, and sentiments swirling around my head and heart have centered around one word: change. It’s everywhere.

Change has been a quite pronounced headliner theme in my life over the last weeks and months, and I can tell from recent conversations I have had and heard that I am not alone.

In December, I talked with strangers about changes in holiday traditions and celebratory routines. I spoke with relatives about changes in their careers and residences. I chatted with friends about changes with our children’s pursuits and our parents’ health. Within my own four walls, we discussed everything from making nutritional changes, to noticing changes in friendships, to experiencing changes in our ideas about life direction and goals.

Personal, community, and even global shifts abound. I have the sense that it is just the beginning.

Why are we so afraid of change?

Change can be…scary. Unfortunately, we have all been programmed to fear it at some level.

It isn’t always a negative thing. In fact, change can be a very good thing. Still, even the most positive changes can sometimes feel like a burden when they first come to pass. I knew that when my daughter chose to go 1,000 miles away for college that it would be a fantastic experience and much-needed change of pace for her, but it still made me sad to think that our family unit would never quite operate in the same way again.

Change comes with a level of uncertainty, which is unsettling. It can be less of a problem when we are in charge of implementing it; but whether it happens with or without our intention, it all tends to come with new and unexplored territory (which, in turn, tends to spark anxiety). There is a sense of safety and security that comes with knowing what to expect, and change throws a wrench into that. We don’t always handle things gracefully when newness of any kind shakes up our carefully packaged lives.

People prefer predictability. In fact, they prefer it so much that they often resist change and continue to tolerate unhealthy situations, people, and/or circumstances longer than they should, for no other reason than that their fear of the unknown trumps their motivation to leave the comfortable bubble they are accustomed to floating around in. We’ve all been there.

There is one thing we can count on never changing, and that is that change will always keep coming. Why do we allow ourselves to fear that which we cannot avoid? Wouldn’t it be easier and simpler to welcome it with open arms?

Changing Up Change, For REAL

Deviations from our normal routines make all of us uncomfortable, and the REAL truth is that each of us makes the choice to feel that way.
Fear of change, just like fear of anything else, is a personal decision.

Other people might be responsible for how we thought and felt when we were little; but we are all grown up now (at least in theory 😊), and the way we think and feel about life today is all on us.

The amazing news is that because we have decided to live for REAL, we now recognize that we have the power to change up anything that we wish to. We can transform the way we think and feel about anything by redefining and recreating our thoughts and perceptions around it.

Our view of, and approach to, the role that change plays in our worlds is no exception. With awareness and intent, we can refocus our energy and harness our power to experience change in an entirely new way.

We don’t have to be afraid of change any longer. What a relief.

Pouring Change Through a REAL Filter

For me, living for REAL means feeling content and at peace most of the time, regardless of what is happening in my world. It is about setting up the logistics of my daily life so that I have a better shot at feeling good and happy in the majority of my moments and days. This involves proactively clearing my life of the things that don’t bring me joy and pulling in more of the things that do. The snags hit when I run into those dynamics that I can’t control…like change.

I know I can’t stop it from happening or remove it from my life, so my only option is to overhaul my whole take on the subject. If I pour it through a new filter, change may taste sweeter.

If I can train my mind to see it in a different and REAL light, as something positive (and maybe even fun), I have a better than even chance of turning it into something that actually adds to my peace and contentment (or at the very least, doesn’t rob me of it).

REAL Terminology: Talking a New Language

Lately, I have been working on rewiring my brain by using alternative words to describe change. My top two favorites are evolution and revolution. It just feels better, more hopeful and encouraging, when I say that something is evolving or revolving. Both words give the sense that something is in process and holds promising results, rather than implying that something is abruptly beginning or ending.

It is more comforting and calming to see life through a lens of continuously moving cycles and processes, as opposed to a chain of random stops and starts. From this perspective, there REALly are no endings to mourn.

Evolution promotes the idea that something is being improved upon and expanded. Revolution inspires a state of excitement and a sense of rebellion against old, worn-out circumstances. I feel assured and inspired just typing the words!

Simply by shifting the descriptors I use to tell my story about changes occurring in my life, I change up the emotions and thoughts that I attach to them. I am consciously removing the trepidation and worry and replacing those with excitement and anticipation. Words are a REALly powerful tool.

Additional synonyms that work include transformation, transition, refinement, development, and innovation. Try switching up your vocabulary and using one of these terms the next time you are talking about a change you are experiencing. Notice the difference in how you feel when you stick a more positive and appealing label on it.

REAL Perspective: Turning Things Upside-Down

I went to see Mary Poppins Returns this week, and it was fantastic! In one of the scenes, a quirky cousin of Mary’s is very upset and confused, because her whole world has physically and literally turned upside down. Mary suggests that her cousin simply adjust her perspective by standing on her head; and, of course, from her new upside-down vantage point, she sees things more clearly and becomes happy and calm again. Voila!

Change can sometimes make us feel like our worlds have been turned upside-down. Perhaps if we took Mary’s advice and aligned our perspective accordingly, change would feel less like upheaval and become easier to navigate.

Am I implying that you should attempt a headstand the next time you are faced with unsettling change? Not exactly (although in yoga, those types of positions are very cleansing and calming!). What I am suggesting is that we practice the art of rolling with it.

What if we relinquished control and simply rolled with the punches of change? What if we restructured our perception of change and approached it from a counter-intuitive, upside-down vantage point? What if we just decided to stand on our figurative heads the next time something in our lives seemed to flip upside-down? Might we see things differently and feel less anxious as a result?

My Own Example:

This past April, my family transitioned from a spacious single family home into a small apartment. While the downsizing was deliberate, we have each navigated several resulting changes tied to this dramatic shift in lifestyle (some we anticipated, some we didn’t). One I did not predict was the impact that the change in residence would have on our Christmas routine.

The holidays in my old house included wall to wall decorations, four Christmas trees, stockings hung from a mantle adorned with my favorite seasonal décor, a front porch covered in lights, a basement dressed up in Ravens’ purple ornaments with a theatre area perfect for Christmas movie watching, and multiple parties hosting family and friends. We did all of that for 15 years, and it was wonderful. Good times, great memories.

When we started decorating and preparing for the holidays in the new apartment, it was initially a little disconcerting. There was no way I could fit all of my decorations in the new space, and I was forced to transition from eight bins to two (a travesty!). I had no mantle to beautify or to hang my daughters’ stockings from. There was no front porch to light up. There was no basement to decorate, no theatre-grade projection screen to view our favorite holiday classics on. There was certainly no room to host big celebrations (at least none with more than 6-8 people!). In early December, we all felt like our holiday traditions had been turned upside-down.

About a week before Christmas, I decided to stand on my head to gain some perspective on the whole thing. You know what I saw from down there? I noticed an apartment filled with only my most sacred and prized Christmas decorations and memoirs. I saw a living area simply and beautifully adorned with one tree, which was still topped with our Santa angel and which we still decorated together while the movie A Christmas Story played in the background (as is tradition). I saw all of the precious time that we gifted ourselves by moving into a smaller more manageable space, time that we used to spend decorating and maintaining a large house, time that we instead now spent enjoying more quality time as a family, time that we now had to restore and just be. I saw my three favorite people squeezed together with me on one couch, eating popcorn, and laughing out loud as we watched the Chinese waiters attempt to sing Jingle Bells to Ralphie and his family.

“Standing on my head” and altering my perspective made me REALize that our Christmas traditions are simply evolving, and that we are transitioning into a new way of celebrating the season. It is different, but it is OK. We are innovating. We are transforming. We are growing.

As Ralphie says towards the end of that movie, all was right with the world. Indeed, it is right.

It is REAL.

Rewriting a REAL Script

We can alter our perspective and experience of change by adjusting the language we speak and the filter we pour it through, but we must also redraft the script we read from when we are describing it to ourselves and to others.

How we communicate and what stories we tell determine most of what we experience in life. What script do you attach with change? Is it one that includes the element of fear?

Zig Ziglar says that FEAR has 2 meanings: Forget Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Rise.
Do you want your story to be about running, or about rising?

Will you decide to put up a fight? Will you opt to take flight? Or will you make the bold decision to try something ground-breaking like going with the flow? The choice is yours.

I know from experience that fighting and fleeing take up an awful lot of energy (and are rarely effective). Flowing sounds much less complicated…calmer…easier. I choose flow.

My in-progress internal script for change goes something like this:

I embrace change.

There is a good reason this is happening, even if I don’t yet know what that is.

It is OK not to know. I can trust the process of life.

I give up the resistance. Resistance only causes friction in the universe and knocks my vibration out of whack… not worth my energy.

Things are always working out for me. (I like to borrow that one from Abraham Esther Hicks)

I can relax.

This is not good or bad, it is just…different.

Change is an introduction to an adventure and new opportunity for growth.

Life would be dull without change.

Movement of any kind is a good thing, stagnation is not healthy.

If I focus too much on what has been, I won’t be able to see where I am going. 

What will your new script sound like?

Living for REAL centers around the art of embracing and inspiring REAL change.

Change is not usually something we delight in or applaud, but perhaps it should be. Change blows regularity and predictability to bits, but maybe that is exactly what we need. Could it be that now is a good time to rip up our routines and willingly plunge into new and unchartered waters. Isn’t that what REAL living is all about?

Change happens. People grow up, people grow old, people move, people switch jobs, people retire, people are born, people die, people’s personalities evolve, people modify their preferences and feelings over time, people change their minds. The list goes on and on. That’s life. Would we REALly want it any other way? Would we want a world with no variety, no movement, no dimension? No.

We are all standing on the cusp of a new year. We are looking back over our shoulders and remembering all that has evolved over the last twelve months. We are shifting our gaze straight ahead and anticipating all that will come our way in the next twelve. We are standing in this unique place and time, knowing that change is on the horizon and sure to show up. We don’t know what form it will take or when exactly it will knock on our door, but we know it is inevitable that we will meet up with it. We are facing change right now, in this very moment.

Let us greet change with a warm hug and usher it through our thresholds with love and acceptance. Let us invite it in like a good friend and allow it to transform and stretch us in new ways. Let us flow with the natural current of life and embrace its changing tides.

In the words of Abraham Esther Hicks,

It has been a wonderful year, and a wonderful decade, and a wonderful century, and millennium, and beyond…but you have seen nothing like what is before you.

There is no looking back.

You cannot go back from who you now are.

You can only move forward.

You can innovate, refine, develop, transition, transform, and evolve. You can create your own REAL revolution and decide to live for REAL in this moment. You can change things up and create a REAL life now.

And that, my friends, is the REAL tea.

Happy New Year~

Get REAL inspired about going with the flow of change and living for REAL in 2019. Check out more REAL resources in the library!

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REAL Messages from Beyond: Recognizing the Signs that the “Departed” Never Left

Decembering & Remembering

If my grandmother, Mary, was still roaming the Earth, she would have turned 93 this week. She passed over to the other side on March 26 of this year.

Up until the time that she moved from the eastern shore of Maryland to an assisted living facility closer to my neck of the woods, my paternal grandmother and I were not very close. I honestly didn’t know the woman in a REAL way for most of my life, which was simply a sad circumstance of distance and limited together time.

What I did know was that she loved the color yellow, especially when it came to roses. Winter was her favorite season, because she was born on December 18, adored the Christmas holiday, and married my grandfather on Valentine’s Day. Her dress caught fire at the age of 9, and she spent nearly four years in a hospital recovering from the burns. She lost her second child, a 3-year-old son, in a furnace fire. Her favorite singer was Nat King Cole, and she favored little dogs.

I learned a great deal more over the last 10 years of her life, however. During our many visits – often over cheese and crackers and her potato vodka-tonic cocktail – she unknowingly stitched together her life story for me and revealed who she REALly was. That time with her was truly a gift.

The Eulogy that Delivered Me

When my dad asked me to deliver the eulogy for Grand-mom’s funeral mass, I was honored. I also felt an intense pressure to get it right. In the days leading up to the service, I asked her for guidance and inspiration. I actually prayed for signs from everyone on the other side, as I often do. I needed some ideas about what to include and how to integrate just the right blend of history, humor, and love. I had to know what she wanted her last message to be.

About two days before the funeral, when I was cleaning out cupboards and packing the kitchen up for our upcoming move, a piece of paper fell from the back end of our junk drawer, skimming my cheek on its way to the bottom of the cabinet below. When I sat down on the tile floor to read it, I giggled a bit, knowing that my prayers had been heard and that my sign (and help) had come.

What literally fell into my hands that day was a copy of one of my favorite excerpts from the books and teachings of author, Neale Donald Walsch. Interestingly enough, I hadn’t sat down to read any of his works for quite some time. As the Universe (and my grandmother herself) would have it, though, an entry that I had borrowed for a Christmas Day message a few years prior divinely landed in my lap, delivering exactly what I had requested.


There are millions of them. Billions of them. Trillions of them. They are called moments. Strung together, they are called a life. ~Neale Donald Walsch


The excerpt I chose to build my grandmother’s eulogy around was all about fully embracing and appreciating the moments of life. I feel it is worth sharing these profound sentiments with you, especially as you close the gap on the current year and ponder what you will create in the next.

There are millions of them. Billions of them. Trillions of them. They are called moments. Strung together, they are called a life. No single moment has a prescribed length. It could last one second, one minute, or one hour. Or much longer than that.

Yet there is something unique about the most important moments: the longer they are, the shorter they seem. The shorter they are, the longer they seem. If you have ever spent an evening saying a final goodbye to a dearly-loved one, you know that the minutes go oh too fast. If you have ever spent a few seconds looking deeply into the eyes of your beloved, you know that time can stand still.

Thus, a few seconds can seem like an hour, and an hour can seem like a few seconds. It is their content that produces our experiences of their length.

In whatever way they are experienced, however, moments come and moments go before you know it, and then they are called memories. They become etched in your mind. They are yours for a lifetime, and no one can take them away from you. Nor can you rid yourself of the ones you don’t wish to keep.

Moments that will soon turn into memories are going on right now, as you are reading this . . . and through all of them – the slow ones and the oh too fast ones – the good ones and the not so nice ones – the fun ones and the ones that are boring and dreary – there is only one thing that matters.

Because most people have no idea who that is, they miss it. Moment, after moment, after moment, they miss it. After many years, they realize this, but by then it is too late. Nothing that can be done about the moments that have passed.

But there is good news. Something can be done about the moment that is coming up. And about the one after that. And the hundreds more that will arrive this day. And the thousands more that will appear this week. And the millions more that will happen this month. And the billions more that will happen this year. And the trillions more that will present themselves before you die.

Yes, about those something can be done. And as you contemplate what you can do about those upcoming moments in your life, and how you want to experience them, you will know one thing. What you don’t want to do is waste them. Not anymore. No . . . not anymore.

As I read the final lines of the excerpt at the closing of my grandmother’s eulogy, a million tiny dots connected in my mind, and I experienced more clarity than I had in years. From the podium, I caught my husband’s gaze, and I knew that he felt it too.

Just one month later, I resigned from my safe and secure job and set out to follow my passion. It was time to create the blog. It was time to write the book. I decided never to waste any of my precious moments again.

My grandmother gave me a priceless and irreplaceable gift: the inspiration to live for REAL.

Death is not REAL.

When hearts stop beating, energy changes form and beings cross over to a non-physical dimension; but life does carry on in those forms and dimensions. REAL life travels in a circular motion; and therefore, like the wreaths that adorn our windows and doors this time of year, it is unending.

Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped into the next room . . . life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was . . .there is absolute and unbroken continuity. ~Henry Scott Holland



 

When someone you love passes away, it is difficult to accept the fact that you can no longer physically touch him or her, or look into his or her eyes. It takes time, as one of my favorite John O’Donohue blessings describes, to gradually learn acquaintance with the invisible form of your departed. . . and wean your eyes from that gap in the air. Gap in the air . . . isn’t that the perfect way to describe it? Out of habit, you turn to share some thought or story with your passed loved one; but when you look over your shoulder and start talking, you realize that there is no one else there. 

Or is there? Are they gone, for REAL?

Sometimes the most REAL things in the world are the things we can’t see. ~Polar Express

The REAL tea is that, though loved ones become intangible and invisible to us after they pass from the Earth, they can be seen and sensed in new ways. I have experienced this, and it is for REAL. My departed family and friends communicate to me in a variety of ways: through lucid dreaming, musical lyrics, movie lines and scenes, words that come through in random conversations with other people (often strangers), experiences I have in nature, books I read, and number patterns.

I have walked around smelling the unique scent of a loved one, as if she was standing right next to me all day. I have seen an old handed-down clock with no battery begin to tick on the anniversary day on which the person who had owned it had crossed over. I have found meaningful objects mysteriously placed under my pillow, items that no one in my house had touched or moved. I have attended individual and group readings and medium events where I have witnessed departed loved ones sending answers to questions that participants had only ever asked within the silence of their hearts. I could go on and on…

I notice these whispers from the other side, because I choose to be fully awake, mindful, and open to receiving them. You can too. Perhaps  you already have?

Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another. ~Albert Einstein

 

To be clear, none of this has to do with getting on a religious soapbox or going on a paranormal rampage. This isn’t about church, and it isn’t about ghosts. It is about recognizing an often overlooked, yet very REAL, truth. You are a brilliant ball of energy, and so is every other person. Energy does not disappear, it simply changes in state. When someone you love crosses over to the non-physical dimension, he or she is not gone . . .  he or she is just transformed into a new state. Hence, the way in which you interact with him or her must also transform.

The REAL tea is that you do have the power to communicate with your passed over loved ones any time you wish (if you wish). The mere utterance of a departed beloved’s name will bring him or her to your side instantaneously. No sh*t. It happens.

Embrace this as a possibility, open your third eye, and slow down so that you can tune into a new frequency. Look up from the chaos of daily living long enough to gain spiritual focus, and you will receive messages over the spiritual airwaves.

Try it! Make it simple: Say your passed loved one’s name out loud, and repeat it over and over in your mind. Picture that person sitting right across from you, and ask him or her to send you a sign that they s/he is around and listening. Don’t be too specific about the type of sign you want, spirits enjoy being creative and want to come up with their own unique methods. Trust that the answer will come, and that you will recognize it when it presents itself. Stay open and awake.

Try it! Add to your spiritual toolkit: If you don’t already have one, treat yourself to a deck of angel cards. Shop around, and find a deck that REALly speaks to you (i.e., do the theme and imagery resonate?). Use the deck as a channel through which to ask for guidance from your passed loved ones and other guardians, and implement either daily or weekly personal readings into your routine.

Email me via my contact page when you receive your answer, or tell me about similar experiences you have already had. I would love to hear your stories!

Calling All Angels

In July of this year, I made an appointment at one of my favorite local shops, Full-heart Soulutions, with a fabulous local angel reader, Doreen Marie. I have seen her about once a year for three years (though she only knows my first name), and I always come away from the sessions with poignant and helpful messages from my angels and departed loved ones.

In mid-summer, I was in the throes of making several changes in my life; and I was eager to hear what my guides, guardians, and ancestors had to share with me about my new path. I was especially eager to hear from my grandmother, and I asked her to show up. Within minutes of the session starting, Doreen told me that there was a woman standing behind me that she sensed was a grandmother figure. She described my grandmother vividly and said that she was holding out a dozen yellow roses and saying “congratulations” to me regarding my new creative endeavors. Apparently, my grandmother stuck around for the whole reading.

Towards the end, Grand-mom asked Doreen to pass along with word, ruby, guessing it was someone’s name. Doreen did not recall that just 2 years before, my maternal grandfather, “Poppy,” had come through and was holding his ruby ring (which I had been given when he passed). The morning of that original reading, I had been alone in my bedroom, held his ring in my hand, and asked him to assure me of his presence by showing up to my reading and saying something about the ruby. I never told anyone that I had asked him to do that, but he did.

It was great to hear from him again.

Signs and Seas

This is the first December in my life that my grandmother, Mary, is not in the physical world. I have not been sad, though, because she has shown herself and said hello to me in so many ways over the last few weeks. She took the form of a blue jay and flew across my path during a trail run. She managed to make my music spontaneously switch over (mid-song) to Nat King Cole when I was driving alone. She said a soft hello when I opened an unexpected package from her hospice care team, a beautiful holiday ornament. Still, I have continued to secretly long for additional affirmation that she is nearby. And I have received it . . .

 

Earlier this month, this intriguing text came through from a good friend: “Just finished a movie that had a sea of trees in it. If you closed your eyes and listened to the sound of the windows blowing through the forest, it sounded just like you were at the beach. The treetops even moved in waves. Totally thought of you!”

A sea of trees. . . the image resonated with me and conjured a warm and comforting feeling. I was immediately at peace just imagining what my friend described. She knows me well. If you asked me to make a list of the top 5 settings I would most wish to immerse myself in, by the ocean and in the forest would both be on it.

Within a day or two of reading the message, I discovered that a movie called The Sea of Trees had indeed been recently added to Netflix. When I stumbled upon it, I felt a gentle tug to watch it (though I had no clue what it was about, but hey, it starred Matthew Mcconaughey!). I refrained from uploading it in that moment, however. Something deep down inside told me that I would intuitively know when the time was right to press play.

Two weeks later, my husband asked me if I felt like watching a movie. A switch immediately flipped in me when he asked, and a wide grin spread across my face. You guessed it – I suggested The Sea of Trees.

 

I won’t ruin the movie for you by going into too much detail about how my grandmother showed up as I watched the ending, but I will share the text I sent my friend just after viewing:

“Marty and I just watched Sea of Trees. . . been on my mind since you texted me about the wind blowing through the trees when you watched it. . . o. . . . m. . . . g. . . had no idea what it was about. WOW! About as REAL as it gets. And guess what? Have had my G-mom Trail on my mind a lot lately, a first Christmas without her.. . saw bluebirds on my run a couple of days ago (my sign for her, or should I say her sign for me). Her b-day is Dec 18 and she was married on Feb 14. . . her favorite season was winter and her favorite color was yellow… the Universe is a mysterious, glorious, and awe-inspiring place. No accident that you planted that seed and unconsciously encouraged me to watch the movie now.”

 

REAL Transparency

To be REAL, I was hesitant to write this blog. The prospect of communicating in any way with the non-physical world can make people uncomfortable, and I understand and appreciate that is a touchy topic for many.

I even started another blog, because I was so conflicted about posting this one. Each time I doubted myself, though, another sign arrived and encouraged me to stay on course. Once the door is opened, the messages are non-stop (which is REALly cool!).

This past Wednesday, my oldest daughter, Ella, visited Doreen for her first angel card reading (Doreen had no idea she was my daughter). Ella later told me that as soon as she sat down, Doreen explained that there was a woman standing behind her who was saying she was the person after whom Ella is named. She described a younger version of my grandmother, Mary, with long legs, auburn hair . . . the whole bit.

My daughter’s full name is Isabella Maria, but for the longest time I toyed with naming her Mary Ella (Mary, after my dad’s mother). I ultimately decided on integrating my Italian heritage into the mix, and ended up using Maria, the Italian form of Mary, as a middle name. 

Reportedly, my grandmother stuck around for Ella’s whole session. Towards the end, Doreen told Ella that a light-eyed man also appeared, calling himself either pop or poppy, and talking about something or someone called ruby.

I laughed through tears as she recounted the story. I heard the message loud and clear, and here we are.

They want you to know that your departed loved ones never REALly did depart. They are always only one heartbeat away from you, in any given moment. 

And when the work of grief is done, the wound of loss will heal and you will have learned to wean your eyes from that gap in the air and be able to enter the hearth in your soul, where your loved one has awaited your return all the time.  ~O’Donohue

All is well.

And that, my friends, is the REAL tea.

Get REAL inspired about seeing REAL signs from your departed loved ones, and begin to communicate with them in REAL ways. Check out more REAL resources in the library!

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REAL Peace for Inspired and Joyful Living

Peace on Earth, and goodwill to men.

We often hear this hopeful sentiment during the holiday season. This feel-good phrase acts as a blessing of sorts, a wish for the universe to experience calm, joy, and unity. It expresses a desirable and enticing concept, of course; yet it is an idea that can be difficult to envision as a REAL possibility.

Does REAL peace exist? Can REAL peace be created?

Most people contemplate these questions at various points in their lives. Many ponder them on a daily basis, especially now. It is difficult to escape these kinds of doubting wonders when we operate in a world that constantly bombards us with evidence of violence, anger, and general turmoil.

You can shield yourself from some of that by unplugging more and significantly limiting your media intake (an approach I use and highly recommend); but unless you live as an authentic hermit, it is hard to ignore and avoid completely. Being entirely cut off from information and people doesn’t align with fostering a balanced life of REAL wellness anyway. You require a minimal amount of data in order to survive and function, and pure isolation is simply not healthy.

So where does that leave you in the quest for REAL calm, joy, and unity?

How can you find REAL peace and REAL rest in a society which reflects a seemingly steady state of unrest?

Where on Earth can you look for peace?

I recently came across an intriguing Happinez magazine article (issue14) about Arun Gandhi, the grandson of Indian spiritual leader and politician, Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948). It talked about the life lessons Arun learned from his grandfather, his own views on ways to achieve peace in today’s world, and his new book, The Gift of Anger, which he wrote as a way to share his grandfather’s legacy and teachings.

Arun says, “A peaceful world cannot be created or imposed from the top down. Change doesn’t require big organizations or institutions. Every individual makes a difference.”

In other words, friend, you have the REAL power to make a difference from where you now sit. The one and only caveat: you don’t have the responsibility to do all of the saving of all of the world by yourself (admit it, there are plenty of you reading this who are figuratively killing yourselves trying to do just that).

It is important to stay away from playing the role of superwoman or superman. Get away from the “I have to save the whole world” mentality. That’s not how any of this works! There is no one person fit for the job of saving the entire world single-handedly. Remember that poignant line in Avicii’s song, Wake Me Up? “I tried carrying the weight of the world, but I only have two hands.”

You only have two hands. You can’t (and don’t have to) do it all, and neither can any individual leader, country, or institution. What you can do, however, is take ownership of your personal piece of the world and make it your mission to save that. It is all about taking responsibility for generating peace in your life by rocking your own REAL stuff within your own space.

Peace is personal.

Arun’s overall message stumbles upon a cornerstone concept of REAL living. You were born with the power to create whatever reality you choose for yourself (and for your world). If your vision for a REAL life includes an environment of peace, it is up to you to make it happen.

The REAL tea is that the creation of anything REAL, peace included, begins and buds at a personal level. As with pretty much everything at play in the universe, REAL movement – on any front – starts (and ends) with you. Profound shifts of any kind occur from the inside out, not from the outside in.

You need not look to world leaders and influential moguls to cultivate and support REAL peace on the globe, you need only walk into the closest bathroom and look at the person in the mirror. I am pretty sure that leaders and moguls use the bathroom too. . . imagine the possibilities if they all championed peace by beginning with the man in the mirror?

Yes, you should do your part to stay educated to ensure that you are offering support to peace-minded and forward-thinking heads of state and industry trend-setters. At the end of the day, however, you only have REAL control over what you do to inspire a REAL shift for the better.

If you don’t think you have the power to instigate bigtime change from the little bubble you are standing in, you are mistaken. That is your fear-based, skeptical mind talking. Don’t let your ego brain fool you into thinking that this is a next-to-impossible or monumental undertaking. Allow your wise intuition to guide you into taking small palatable steps that will ripple out and create tidal waves of crazy good transformation.

 

You can promote peace with a piecemeal approach.

Creating a REAL life is done in simple and bite-sized chunks, and at a moderate and manageable pace. The same approach applies to impacting the world in positive ways and facilitating REAL change (i.e., inspiring REAL peace!). This does not have to be an overwhelming or complicated task, friends.

Arun suggests that “the only path to peace is to be the change we wish to see in the world. That means we must begin as individuals to learn to live in peace and find peace of mind. Most people don’t know deep in their hearts what that is. They tend to believe that peace means the absence of war. That’s a huge misunderstanding. “

Amen.

What does peace mean for you? Define it.

Deep in your heart, what does peace look like? How would you describe peace of mind? There are no right or wrong answers. Responses will vary greatly, and they should. REAL peace will mean something different to you than it does to me.

Many definitions of peace have to do with the condition of non-war, treaties and agreements, and freedom from civil commotion and violence. Others identify peace as freedom of mind from anxiety and distraction, a state of tranquility and serenity, or the experience of silence and stillness.

One or more of these may resonate, or you might have a completely different concept of what REAL peace is. Feel free to use these more common interpretations as your foundation and build your own customized description of what REAL peace is. A bit of reflective quiet time will be required for this exercise (but hey, you can get that time in the car or in the shower . . . none of this has to be a big production).

Prompts to help you with crafting your personalized definition:

  • Which types of situations make you calm inside? Which make you feel less stressed? Which cause you to experience less anxiety?
  • What other emotions do you associate with peace? What types of situations inspire those peaceful emotions within you?
  • When was the last time you felt truly at peace and/or experienced those other similar emotions? What were the circumstances surrounding those times?

The answers to these questions will help you draft your unique definition of REAL peace.

Word to the wise: the definition you come up with will be a working one, and you can fully expect it to change form over time. You will consistently evolve, and so too will your characterization of things like peace. Plan to revisit, reassess, and revise yours periodically.

How can you bake more peace into your moments and days? Do it.

Once you have developed a clearer understanding of what REAL peace means to you in the present moment, use your personalized definition as a reference and set aside some time to ponder the following questions:

  • What are the situations that promote peace for you?
  • What are the situations that take away your peace?
  • Who are the people who promote peace within you?
  • Who are the people who drain you of peace?
  • What are the places that inspire peace within you?
  • What are the places that rob you of peace?
  • What are the activities and event types that generate peace for you?
  • What are the activities and event types that steal peace from you?
  • What are the topics that infuse peace into your conversations?
  • What are the topics that sabotage communication for you and detract the peace from otherwise productive discussions?

Step 1: Write your thoughts down as you run through this REAL peace inventory. Leave some space between each entry.
Step 2: Go back through each category and add at least one starter action you can take to add more of what promotes peace and to alleviate more of what does not bring peace to you.

Remember, this is a process you will tackle in small and simple steps. Begin by implementing gradual adjustments that can be inserted into your daily existence with relative ease.

Example: If there is someone in your life whom you pinpoint as a peace-drainer, don’t pressure yourself by thinking you must completely cut them off immediately (which isn’t always logistically possible). Rather, consider subtly limiting your interaction time with him/her, and/or changing up the setting around those interactions (ensure that necessary together time is in a peace-generating environment, or that it includes other peace-invoking people (i.e., proactively install buffers!!)).

Smooth your path to peace with healthy doses of goodwill.

Performing an act of goodwill is one of the quickest ways you can inspire peace. Showing kindness and love to someone makes you feel good, it makes the receiver feel good, and it infuses a massive amount of good energy into the universe. It is a win-win-win. A 3-dimensional victory. A trifecta for REAL peace.

Goodwill is all about practicing charity, and – as you might have heard – charity begins at home. Your first home is yourself. Your second home is with your family and friends. Your third home is within your community. These three homes create that personal piece of the world that I talked about taking ownership of and creating peace within. These are the spaces in which you can begin to whip up steady doses of peace, joy, and unity.

To get started, take some time to consider the following:

  • How do you show good will to yourself? (I start with you, because you can’t give to others what you do not know how to give to yourself)
  • How do you demonstrate good will to your friends and family?
  • How do you offer good will to your community?

If your self-assessment has you coming up short on one front or another, think of at least one new way you can start to promote peace in that particular home (and add these ideas and goals to your notes from the previous reflective exercises).

Keep your approach simple and manageable. Grand gestures are nice, but smaller ones are just as meaningful. Set aside a weekly time to enjoy one of your favorite peaceful activities, make it your mission to compliment each person in your household at least once a week, decide to share only positive material and feel-good sentiments with your social media networks, vow to pick up trash whenever you see it on the ground, or make it a point to be kinder and patient to people in the stores and on the road. I think you get the idea.

Claim your peace. Own your peace. Be peace.

Living for REAL is all about using your creative and loving power to manifest moments and days that are filled with peace and ease. It is about recognizing that REAL peace is a lifestyle and a choice.

It is about being aware and awake enough to see that peace does exist. It is about understanding that inspiring and cultivating REAL peace is an inside job, and it is about accepting responsibility to do that job.

Decide today to make peace on Earth and goodwill to men your daily mantra.

Claim ownership of your REAL peace and do whatever you reasonably can to share it.

RIP is an expression that was never meant for the dead, it is meant for the living.
And that’s the REAL tea.
Rest in peace, friends, and may peace bewitch you all~

 

Get REAL inspired about creating REAL peace and goodwill in your world, and check out more REAL resources in the library!

By

Gifts of REAL Rest & REAL Reflection

For many years, I thought of the late fall and early winter months as a time when everything outside looked dead and dull. Admittedly, it was a bit depressing looking at the world through that lens. I saw naked trees with bare limbs, grass turning from green to brown, a sky that looked more gray than blue on most days, and flocks of birds abandoning the forest in search of warmer air. The Earth seemed quiet, drab, and lonely.

Aside from playing in the snow on occasion, I didn’t usually venture outside much from November through April. I definitely didn’t take the time to engage with nature, except to periodically look around and note how barren and boring everything seemed. Christmas lights brightened the scenery for a spell, but they were only a short-lived respite from an otherwise gloomy landscape.

When I made the decision to live for REAL, my perspective shifted.

Cold, crisp autumn and winter days have more recently become my favorite times to take walks/runs and reflect. Being out-of-doors and breathing in fresh air gets me grounded and helps to clear my head of the scary stuff that can creep in and fill it up. It allows me to disconnect from the noise of society (and of my very loud mind!), and to reconnect to the Earth and the elements.

Because I go outside often, I am now in much closer touch with the cycles that nature travels through each season. I have come to REALize that the winter trees and grass are not damaged or dead, but that they have simply changed form. Now when I take my strolls and jogs during these colder months, I observe that things have merely quieted down and entered into a state of calm and replenishment. All is still alive and well. I understand that nature has begun to shed all unnecessary elements from the past year and is deliberately slowing down to be, rest, and restore.

Nature Provides REAL Cues for REAL Living

When you decide to live for REAL, you start to recognize that you are just as much an element of the natural world as a tree, a bird, or a blade of grass. You remember that you are fueled by the same powerful energy that gives life to all that is, and you awaken to the truth that your survival and progress are supported by the same universal principles by which nature operates. In turn, you learn to take your cues from Mother Nature.

Even if you don’t have full awareness of the deep connection you have with nature and its cycles, you will still sense and experience it at some level. Your intuition tells you that the end of the year is a time when you, too, should be settling in for restoration and reflection. However, the ego tries to convince you that the demands of the holiday season will never allow for any type of restful break.

Nature is pulling you to slow down, take pause, and calmly breathe your way into the year ahead. Society is pushing you to speed up, get going, and run full force into the next activity, the next celebration, and the next year. This internal tug of war creates a conflict. It results in the lingering presence of a free-floating anxiety that you are never REALly able to accurately identify or explain. Hence, December stress sets in.

 

Scrap Busy, Go with Being

If the notion of slowing down, pressing pause, and building quiet time into your daily life sounds inviting but improbable (especially in December), I would not be surprised. Society, on the whole, is not at all in support of rest time, quiet time, or any other kind of time that does not involve producing, doing, or accomplishing something. The world teaches us that busyness, fast-paced living, and overbooked schedules are signs of importance, achievement, and contribution. It is often inferred that down time is “dead” time, and that slower-moving people with “idle” moments to spare are generally lazy, non-contributing, and lost.

Authors Susan Pearse and Martina Sheehan capture this faulty thinking beautifully in their brilliant book, Do Less Be More: “In the modern world, ‘busy’ is being worn as a badge of honor, a symbol of success, or a new way to display importance.”  In short, the world today tells us that busyness equates to worthiness.

Um . .  I don’t think so.

Pearse and Sheehan don’t think so either: “Having more, doing more, working more, worrying more, and trying more don’t automatically lead to achieving more, experiencing more, or enjoying more. In fact, the hustle and bustle of ceaseless activity and urgent expectation only serves to lift levels of stress, frustration, disappointment, and unhappiness. Busyness is a barrier to self-reflection, a hindrance to novel solutions, and a smokescreen to clarity.”

Creating a REAL life of wellness requires a deliberate effort to knock down the barriers of busyness and noise. It involves answering nature’s call to balance periods of activity with periods of rest. Rest sets the stage for REAL reflection. REAL reflection sets the stage for REAL growth and change.

It is time to take Mother Nature’s cue, friend.

Three Wise Gifts: Presents that offer Presence

I am not really feeling the gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Can you please box up some stillness, silence, and solitude instead?

You won’t require jewels or perfume to lay the groundwork for restoration and reflection, and you definitely won’t need any “wise” kings swooping in to assist. You were born with all of the REAL wisdom needed to achieve REAL presence and rest, and you have always had the internal tools to build a solid platform for REAL reflection.

 

Stillness, silence, and solitude are three such tools that are consistently underrated and overlooked. Yet, a mere 15 minutes per/day of this magical mix can transform your world in very positive ways. Fifteen minutes equates to about 1% of your 24-hour day.

 

Stillness

It is one of the mysterious paradoxes of life: the more still you are, the greater your potential to move and grow in a REAL way. Society tells you that being still is unproductive and a waste of time, but the REAL truth is that stillness creates REAL presence; and REAL presence is often the catalyst for REAL breakthroughs and inspirations.

My best writing ideas have come to me during moments of pause and stillness. When I am laying on the sand, or sitting quietly on a park bench, or simply meditating cross-legged on my apartment floor, the noise of the world turns down enough for my soul to speak and be heard. I give my higher self a space to breathe and express itself.

My husband, a business owner and entrepreneur, always seems to come up with his most brilliant strategies when he is sitting still on the back of our boat. It doesn’t make a difference whether he is out in the ocean or tied to the pier. When he slows down and sits still on that fiberglass, the creative floodgates open for him. It never fails.

Pearse and Sheehan agree that, “The greatest leaps forward, not just throughout history, but for every one of us in our regular lives, rely on our willingness to stop and hear the whisper-quiet voice of our own deep knowledge and wisdom. Unless you value liberal doses of doing nothing, you are not giving your full potential the chance to emerge.” 

It doesn’t matter where or when you decide to do it, just sit still and be.

Not sure where to begin? Polish up your stillness skills, and start through guided meditation.

 

Silence

The value of silence is not just a philosophical phenomenon, it is a scientific one as well. Studies suggest that regular doses of silence not only boost peace and self-awareness, but they support healthy brain development.

Pearse and Sheehan assure us that, “A total transformation takes place in your brain when you slow down, look up, let go, and fall silent.”  They challenge us by asking, “How would your life be different if you lived by the philosophy that an important way to find answers is not to fill your mind with other opinions and more information, but to remove yourself from it all and let the silence weave its magic?”

Finding silence in your moments and days doesn’t have to be overly-complicated. Make things easy on yourself by searching your everyday environment for places and circumstances that lend themselves to quiet moments.

  • Leave the buds at home and walk, run, or exercise without sound.
  • Turn off the radio in the car.
  • Leave the TV and stereo off from time to time.
  • Take the quieter country route to the next destination.
  • Revel in the silent time you get in the shower or bath.
  • Stay in bed for the first 5 waking minutes of the day and enjoy the natural silence.
  • Find a quiet place to take your lunch break.

SSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!

Solitude

When you periodically limit the crowd to you, yourself, and you, you have a much better shot at hearing your own voice and getting to know yourself in a REAL way. Solitude also fosters productivity, focus, creativity, and clarity.

Carving out alone time is not about isolating yourself from others, but rather it is about setting aside time to form an intimate relationship with yourself. For many people, the prospect of being alone is scary, and one they avoid at all costs. It can be challenging and uncomfortable to sit with yourself and your thoughts, because there will likely be some not-so-fun stuff that bubbles to the surface.

 

 

In order to gain a REAL understanding of who you are and what a REAL life would look like for you, reflective alone time is an essential requirement. The not-so-fun thoughts and feelings are just as crucial to be with and process as the warm-and-fuzzy ones. We will do the work together. I promise that any temporary pain will lead to immense, long term gain.

Think outside of the box (or maybe crawl into one!) to find your alone time:

 

  • Close your door every now and then (to the office, to the bedroom, to the bathroom).
  • Unplug, and go off-grid and offline (at least once a day).
  • Wake up 10 minutes earlier than your housemates, and have your morning coffee or tea with yourself.
  • Stay up a bit later than your housemates and snuggle up with a good book or with your journal.
  • Exercise independently or take a walk/run by yourself.
  • Eat a meal without any company.
  • Take yourself on a date (or if you want to get REAL crazy, take a solo weekend trip).

Begin to get up close and personal with yourself!!!!

A REAL Gift 

The month of December acts as a bridge between the ending of one cycle and the beginning of another, and it is the ideal time to hit the brakes, refresh, and prepare for renewal. You are standing on the edge of a new beginning, and you are smack in the center of the season of giving.

Now is the perfect time to give something REAL to yourself. Allow yourself the chance to follow your true nature and align with the present moment. Slow the pace down, press pause, and create daily opportunities for restoration and rejuvenation.

During this traditionally jam-packed month, you will need regular doses of peaceful, alone time more than ever.

Be. Rest. Restore.

You draw energy from stillness. Quiet offers strength. Rest is power.

And that, my friends, is the REAL holiday tea.

 

Get REAL inspired about practicing REAL restoration and reflection through  stillness, silence, and solitude, and check out more REAL resources in the library!

By

Cultivating the Flow of Abundance: The Art of Authentic Receiving

I have always been a giver.

I love surprising people with little presents for no reason. I am a champion of random card and inspirational text sending. I enjoy coordinating birthday celebrations for friends and family, and I willingly take the lead in organizing annual holiday adopt-a-family efforts. It makes me feel good to make others feel happy, and I am not ashamed to admit that.

What I am a little slower to broadcast is that I struggle with being a good receiver. I think back to memories like the time I brought a gift for each of my hosting girlfriends when I arrived at my own baby shower. Lol. It was clearly a day when I was meant to receive the presents, and yet I could not resist offering something back to the people who wanted to give to me. It was a nice gesture, but also sort of a silly one. What made it so difficult to accept generosity without offering something in return?

 

The Hidden Side of Gratitude

These days, everyone is abuzz about the importance of practicing gratitude and giving back to the world. Especially during the holiday season, we are encouraged to focus more of our attention on counting our blessings and blessing others. Certainly, these are worthy calls to action which inherently create tons of positive energy in the Universe. Being a proud self-proclaimed giver myself, you will find no argument from me on the benefits of taking an attitude of gratitude and paying it forward.

But what about the other side of giving? What are the benefits of graciously receiving a gift, and what can we learn about ourselves when that part of the cycle is a challenge?

Abundance is a Two-Way Path

Abundance is another word that we hear tossed around a lot, especially during the last 2 months of the year. Defined as being an extremely plentiful supply or an overflowing fullness, abundance goes hand in hand with the theme of taking stock of blessings and kicking our charitable engines into high gear. When we recognize and show gratitude for the abundance in our lives, and share that abundance with others, we generate love in the world.

People often use the terms abundance and flow in the same sentence, and that is no accident. Abundance is indeed designed to have a very REAL and dynamic flow when it is operating at full and optimum capacity. It creates a seamless and circular flow of ease when it moves both outward and inward without interruption. You energize that flow by spreading the love and giving, and you also infuse life into the cycle by taking in the love and receiving. The energy must travel in both directions.

The REAL tea is that most people are incredible givers and mediocre receivers. The unfortunate by-product of this imbalanced skillset is a universal flow of abundance that is blocked and unable to provide the infinite prosperity that exists.

REAL Receptivity is the REAL Solution

A friend recently recommended that I buy a little red book called The Go-Giver. It is a quick but profound read that uses a fictional tale to describe what the authors identify as The Five Laws of Stratospheric Success. Without going into details that might ruin it for you (as I am hoping you will also devour it soon!!), the story unveils a very interesting recipe for cultivating abundance in every area of your life.

The laws covered in the book are listed below, with my favorite key truth defined and bolded.

  • The Law of Value
  • The Law of Compensation
  • The Law of Influence
  • The Law of Authenticity
  • The Law of Receptivity – The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

“All the giving in the world won’t bring success, won’t create the results you want, unless you make yourself willing and able to receive in like measure. Because if you don’t let yourself receive, you’re refusing the gifts of others – and you shut down the flow.”

~Pindar, The Go-Giver.

When it is presented in this way, the concept of effective receiving makes perfect sense. When you willingly and shamelessly receive with an open heart, you actually offer the giving person the gift of knowing that s/he loved and supported you. Thus, when you receive, you are also giving in a rather unique way. It’s a simple concept, so why is it so hard to put into action? What gives? (sorry, I couldn’t resist).

What Gives?

Reasons behind our challenge with the receptive part of the abundance flow are multi-fold. Society places almost all of its emphasis on teaching children how to be good givers (and next to none on developing the talent of gracious receiving).

Let’s be REAL honest: the idea that receiving and taking are useful skills to fine tune just isn’t a very popular one.

To compound the issue, your ego voice warns you away from the practice of receiving by scaring you with crazy, fear-based lies. These pop up in the form of thoughts such as:

  • You are not worthy of receiving love or support.
  • If you accept help, you will be in debt to someone, and the scorecard will be uneven (remember, this whole life thing is a competition!).
  • You will look weak and display pathetic vulnerability if you take assistance from others.
  • It is better to be seen as a giver, because it will gain you more admiration, approval, and clout. No one respects those who take charity.

It is important to remember that your ego operates from a place of scarcity. It worries that there is not enough to go around, and that you need to take an “every man for himself” approach in life in order to succeed and get an adequate supply of the goods. REAL living involves recognizing that the ego is just a scared little liar, and that it must be challenged and kept in check if you want to create a life of ease and abundance.

The next time someone offers you help, or a gift, or a compliment, pay attention to your knee-jerk inner reaction. Do any of the messages above surface? Increasing your awareness of these  thought patterns is the first step in breaking the negative cycles they cause.

REAL Abundance for REAL Life

REAL living is fueled by gratitude and generosity, but it is also energized by receiving gracefully and gratefully, without the need to diminish yourself or bring an agenda of equality into the mix.

Now would be a good time to do an internal check-in and look at ways you might be cutting off the flow of abundance in your life. Take pauses, be aware of your inner chatter, and work to replace those paranoid ego thoughts with intuitive ones that reflect faith in the universe’s infinite supply of REALly amazing stuff!

The REAL truth is that the world’s well is always full and its harvest knows no bounds. There is more than enough to go around.

It is time to trash the old story that going it alone, without the support of others, is the best way to proceed. Let the love and kindness sink in, and allow yourself to be filled to the brim with the generosity of others. Give the people in your world the wonderful gift of receiving their offerings with pleasure.

Practice authentic receiving , and watch abundance flow freely and magically through and around you.

REAL living holds limitless abundance, and that’s the REAL tea.

Get REAL inspired about cultivating REAL abundance through REAL receiving, and check out more REAL resources in the library!