KT Wilson HomepageKT Wilson

REAL Living

Uncategorized

By

The REALities of Healing for REAL

There’s Some Hurt that Comes with Healing

You run the risk of hurting people when you are hurting.

You also run the risk of hurting people when you are healing. It isn’t deliberate, it just happens. It’s one of the short-term, yet painful, byproducts of deciding to live for REAL.

Mending your Self is a process that sometimes leads to surprising decisions, unpredictable changes, random isolation, and plenty of other unappealing circumstances (particularly unappealing to the people not doing the mending and likely unaware of the fact that you are).

Healing Requires Selfishness

When you are completely immersed in the journey back to REAL health, the all-consuming nature of the process can create a version of you that appears quite careless and thoughtless from an outside perspective. And the truth is that you do temporarily forget about everyone else when you make it your mission to get well for REAL. Self-exploration and self-improvement involve a high level of self-absorption. When you are self-absorbed, everyone else’s needs fall second to your own. That’s REALity. And it’s OK.

To anyone accustomed to receiving a healthy dose of your attention, however, none of it feels OK. The less-than-attractive shifts that REAL healing causes can feel unsettling at best. You are suddenly either not as available or completely unavailable, and that can be jarring. It’s a situation which inspires the kinds of factors that have a cunning way of quietly backing you into the role of villain in someone else’s story (maybe more than one someone and more than one story). By the time this unintentional dynamic makes its way onto your radar, it’s typically too late to do anything about changing the outcome.

You can certainly reflect on it, journal about it, meditate on it, bathe in sage-infused salts to cleanse yourself of the anxiety that comes from it, and practice all of the treatments that the wellness world prescribes (I’d be disappointed if you didn’t!). At the end of the day, however, all you can reasonably do is resist the knee-jerk urge to repent and press on with the business of healing. You must, as Elsa reminds us in the movie Frozen, “let it go.”

Release the Need for Redemption

I can be funny about it now, but the REAL tea is that it can be a pretty confusing scenario that generates an irritating state of ambivalence for everyone in the mix. For you, especially, it can create tons of inner conflict.

On the one hand, you are SO tempted to offer up apologies and justifications (two of your favorite addictions, if you’re anything like moi). On the other hand, you are fully aware (perhaps for the first time ever) that you’ve done nothing wrong (and assuming there have been no deliberate acts of unkindness, you haven’t). There isn’t anything tangible to apologize for, yet you still feel the strong urge to do so.

This is usually about the time when you notice that you are teetering on the edge of that fragile line most people tend to either ignore or step over on a fairly regular basis. You recognize it more clearly now, though…it’s the one that distinguishes the responsibility you have for your reactions, emotions, and experiences, and the responsibility others have for theirs.

Wait for It…

Eventually the most liberating concept floods your field of awareness, like a soaking rain following a relentless drought: You no longer have to atone for the way someone else feels.

BAM!

The clouds part. The dust settles. The cartoon lightbulb above your head flickers on. If there is a raving televangelist anywhere in your vicinity, he runs up and slaps his palm to your forehead proclaiming, “you are healed!”

The epiphany that comes with the profound realization that you are only accountable for your own life, actions, thoughts, and feelings can be quite exhilarating. Yet it also leaves you slightly mixed and disturbed, because you want the people you care about to be happy with you. Ultimately, though, the new revelation liberates you enough to resist crossing that line and to avoid giving into the habitual urge to justify the steps you have taken to heal, or to beg for pardon because of them.

Scared shitless but resolute (for REAL this time), you march on and bravely fly the flag of wellbeing, intent to speak and live out your truth with love and to find fresh ways to outwit your apology-pushing ego. You know it will be a lifelong process. You understand and accept that prioritizing your REAL healing will undoubtedly piss off, baffle, disturb, and perhaps even hurt some people. That won’t be anything you root for, but intuition tells you that it will come to pass just the same (the key word here is pass…because none of this will last forever).

Let’s Be Honest (&Heal)

You will recognize that it’s all worth it, because the REAL tea is that you aren’t sorry that you finally found the right medicine for your dis-ease. You are at last tasting REAL freedom for the first time in your human life, and you have no regrets about how you made it to the table.

Shedding the worn-out cloak of remorse, you channel your inner alchemist and set out to transform any lingering guilt into the powerful energy you will use to remain in this new healthy space. It will be the energy you will channel to swiftly guide others to that same space.

It will be the force that will fuel your efforts to continue Heading in the direction of greater Energy, Awareness, and Love. It’s a direction that will result in some painful side effects for all involved, but you know full well that the most curative tonics are always the hardest to swallow.

And that, my friends, is the REAL tea.

Start living for REAL today, and subscribe to receive REAL insights, inspirations, & blog notifications. Discover your REAL authentic Self by participating in one of my inspirational REAL live events in 2020!

K.T. Wilson is a health and wellness blogger and speaker dedicated to helping people discover and harness their personal power to create balanced lives of joy and ease. She resides in Harford County, MD, with her husband and two daughters, and is currently writing a book on the benefits of REAL living.

By

REAL Authenticity: Discovering Your “I Am” in 10 Steps

 

Who are you at a deep-down level when all of the roles you play are taken out of the equation? Who are you when all of the labels that the world gives you are peeled off?

I have been asking myself this question for a few weeks now, in the interest of setting and refining my intentions in this new season that the recent equinox has sparked.

It’s not easy to define my Self without using descriptors like daughter, mother, wife, friend, niece, aunt, writer, music lover, trail runner, yoga student, avid reader, and beach-craving boater. These qualifiers do provide some level of insight into where I find purpose and meaning, but they don’t get at the root essence that makes up my Self with a capital S (a.k.a. my REAL authentic Self).

Who am I, for REAL, if I can’t use those go-to identifiers above to define things?

A Closer Look at the REAL Self

In a world in which impermanence and uncertainty are the new norms, it is important that we get in touch with our authentic Self. Our REAL Self acts as our anchor and our constant amidst the evolution and revolution that is always occurring. When we are connected to it in REAL ways, we tap into our power to create the reality of our choosing.

The quest to know the Self involves adequately and accurately finishing this statement: “I am _______.”

Learning to recognize, access, and cultivate our “I Am(s)” helps us discover and enhance the key components of our non-physical spiritual foundation. When we have clarity and resolve around the unique make-up of our true being, we build an unwavering port that maintains peace and wellness even in the wake of the unpredictable surges and storms that life has a way of whipping up.

Careers, homes, people, and hobbies come and go. Our relationships, our interests, and pretty much everything else about our lives can (and likely will) change more than once over the course of a lifetime. Who we are at the deepest soul-based level, however, is the internal element which should never change based on external circumstances. Ever.

Our REAL Self is the center of our being, and it is the invisible yet poignant place from which the highest of our intentions spring forth.

All in all, pretty important stuff.

Need REAL Motivation to Embark on the Search?

Though the intricacies of your REAL Self are magically and mysteriously complex, the path to unearthing and illuminating them need not be complicated or burdensome.

It can be fun and intriguing to discover your Self in a new way and to form a REAL bond with your inner guru.

Why bother?

  • Exploring and examining your authentic Self sheds light on what you value and how/where you find meaning. Awareness of these things will inform the choices you make and the directions you decide to go in.
  • Defining your “I Am (s)” offers insight into your purpose and passions. Knowing what fuels your fire and makes you tick at a raw deep-seated level aids you in forming robust and targeted life intentions.
  • Cultivating and expanding a rich relationship with your Self provides opportunities to develop your ability to genuinely connect with others. All forms and expressions of love start from within.
  • The path to REAL ease and joy will be easier to walk if you are crystal clear on who you are at a heart and soul level. It will be much simpler to manifest peace and satisfaction in your life if you know your core values and understand what drives you.

REAL Authentic Approaches: Looking Inward & Outward

It is unfortunate that we are rarely encouraged to uncover our authentic Self, especially after we enter the traditional school system. People certainly urge us to think about what we want to be, but they are typically looking for a response that is tied to a profession or a life role (not one that reflects what we want to become at a core, sacred, inner-sanctum type level).

It is up to us to ask these more profound questions of ourselves. It is up to us to give ourselves permission to prioritize the time and space we will require to search for the answers to those questions.

The happy news is that once you do decide to embark on the adventure of REAL Self-discovery, there are many imaginative and restorative methods to support your cause! Check out the 10 approaches below, all of which are working REAL well for me.

Make Space for Safe Introspection: Retreat & Reflect

Take Breathing Breaks & Therapeutic Time-Outs

Block off daily calendar slots for silence, solitude, and stillness. Yep, I did write daily. Commit to reserving 5-10 minutes (more if you can!!) of quiet alone time once each morning, once each afternoon, and once each evening. You don’t have to make a big production out of these pauses and “peace pockets” of time! Use solo drive time, shower/bathroom time, or quiet meal time if you can’t seem to bake it in any other way. If you can carve out a special place to pause, or break away from the daily routine and change up the environment, do it. In any case, pay attention to the thoughts and feelings that arise when you are not moving, not talking, and unencumbered by life’s noise. Some of what surfaces may be uncomfortable at first, but all emotions and thoughts will be useful and telling. If you need some additional guidance when it comes to integrating silence, solitude, and stillness into your daily routine, sign up for my live April 14 workshop!

Go on Rest Retreats

Schedule weekly, monthly, and annual time away from the busyness and noise of the daily grind. Set aside at least one evening or one half of a weekend day each week for restorative R&R (rest and relaxation). For some, this may mean reading or writing by candlelight with a cup of tea and soft music, for others it may mean taking a peaceful walk through the forest. To each his own! BUT…in all cases, whatever you engage  in should involve very little stimulation, no strenuous activity, little to no talking, and a calm atmosphere. Make an effort to also do this for yourself one full day each month, or take a page from my book and go away by your Self for an overnight or a weekend get-away. You would be amazed what 24-48 hours of solitary down time will do for the soul.

Make room for Meditation

There is no right or wrong way to meditate, so fear not! There is also no shame in perusing the internet for handy resources. I personally prefer guided meditation, and there are plenty of free apps to try. My go-to is typically YouTube. Whichever method you choose, make it your intention to do this at least 10-15 minutes/day. I recommend layering meditation into one or more of your daily breathing breaks or therapeutic time-outs. My latest meditation fix is Oprah’s and Deepak Chopra’s 21-Day Guided Meditation Series on Gratitude & Grace – the two team up to offer ~20 minutes of deep mediation/per day, and it has been wonderful so far.

Jump on the Journal Bandwagon

Converse with your Self through reflective journaling and creative expression. Create a customized collection of cut-out words and images from your newspapers, magazines, books, and printed internet articles (these do not all have to be terms and pictures that are tied to psychology, wellness, or spirituality…whatever resonates and speaks to you will fit the bill). Randomly choose one from your bag and use it as a journal prompt. Note and describe the thoughts and feelings that come up as you gaze at the word or image. If the creative prompts conjure scenes or scenarios in your mind’s eye, record the details using the filter of all 6 senses (the 6th being your intuitive, gut-level sensations). 

Experiment with “Music Musing”

I love music, so I integrate it into my wellness and development routines as much as possible! Listen to either a favorite song or one that is not familiar to you, and record your interpretation of the lyrical meaning and how it might apply to your journey. Note the emotions, responses, and thoughts that the song’s rhythm and words inspire within you, and reflect on what all of that might be saying about your core Self. The way music speaks to an individual is often a soul-based facet of life. Start with Avicii’s Wake Me Up!

Design a Life List

Author of the The List, Yuval Abramovitz, calls this an “urban meditation.” Look at your life from a distance and also through the eyes of the child you once were. Remember what you dreamed of becoming during those magical younger years? With that youthful vision in mind, examine what feels right now as well as what may still be missing or need tweaking. Create a list of the dreams and goals still left to manifest (avoid the limiting thoughts!) and of improvements to implement, and make a plan to achieve those in a new way (applying the knowledge you have gained so far in life). What mattered to you as a child will give you significant insight into what is meaningful for you at a soul level. When we are in child-mind mode, void of fear and filled with wonderment and a sense of endless possibility, we are most in tune with our higher Self.

Create a Gratitude List or Blessing Brief

We hear this approach suggested often, and there is a good reason for that! When we take pauses to purposefully ponder what we are thankful for (both in terms of gratitude for what we do have and for what we don’t have) and acknowledge the good that is already flowing through our lives, we boost our vibration to a heightened level that is more closely aligned with that of our higher self (a.k.a., our authentic being).

Make Space for Extropection: Step Outside of Your Self

Make “Mindful Observation” Your New Mantra

Get into third party observation mode, and begin to notice your reactions to certain situations, environments, circumstances, people, and comments. Non-attachment (very different from detachment) can be a helpful tool when we want to objectively analyze our own behavior and thinking. Pay attention to the positive and adverse reactions that you have, as both types can reveal insights about your true purpose, passion, and preferences. Let go of judgement and think of yourself as a scientist studying a new organism. Watch and learn!

Court & Date Your Self

Try new things. Visit new places. Go out on solo dates – just you, your Self, and you. Do whatever takes you outside of your “box” and forces you to exit your comfort zone. When the walls of familiarity and habit are removed, the REAL Self has a better chance of emerging. The added element of solitude can enhance the process further. If you had recently met a new friend or started dating a new person, what kinds of stuff might you be inspired to do? Think of your Self as that new interest or buddy, and do those things!

Mix Things Up with Movement

Physical movement gets you outside of your mind, into your body, and more closely in touch with the raw and vulnerable side of your Self (that soft and unprotected space filled with revelations about the REAL you). I like to think of the body as the bridge between the mind and the soul center. Move with the intention to focus only on the bodily feelings and sensations that pop up, but make a mental note of the thoughts that do creep in when you are in motion (including the specific actions and exercises that spark those thoughts). Experiment with new ways of moving and reflect on how you feel when engaging in each of them. 

REAL Neutrality: Look for Your Self in the Middle

Chances are that you won’t find your REAL authentic Self on the rigid and breakable edges of life where the black and white dynamics grow. Rather, you will likely spot your true Self hanging out in the center of all that is, playing somewhere in the gray areas of life where neutrality, flexibility, and pliancy reside.

The neutral zone, as I like to call one of my new favorite spaces, is that sweet spot of copacetic flow where I have the easiest time connecting with myself these days. It isn’t always easy to find that zone; but in the moments when I am blessed and awake enough to find that middle ground, that’s where I Am. I literally meet my Self in the middle, where the either/or concepts like  right/wrong, good/bad, and easy/hard are overshadowed by a sense of imperfect perfection.

Sometimes I catch glimpses of my core Self on my yoga mat, or in the woods that I like to run through, or while meditating or reading something that deeply resonates with me. She peeks her head around the corner and gives me winks and smiles during those times when my mind and mental chatter are either turned down or shut off. She finds it easier to get my attention when I am vulnerable and open.

In nature, in solitude, in sweaty physical bliss, in mindful silence, in the spaces where I engage in new and creative activities…these are the places I tend to synch up and interact with her. I am enjoying getting to know the beautiful and powerful Self that lives deep beneath my skin and transcends the labels and limitations that my society and my ego like to stick on me. 

Getting to know her for REAL is requiring resolve, courage, and commitment; but something tells me she’s well worth the effort.

Authenticity is a constant letting go of who you think you should be, and instead embracing who you truly are. ~Neel van Lierop

And that, my friends, is the REAL tea.

Start living for REAL today, and subscribe to receive REAL insights & inspirations every week. Discover your REAL authentic Self by participating in one of my inspirational REAL live events in April!

 

K.T. Wilson is a health and wellness blogger dedicated to helping people discover and harness their personal power to create balanced lives of joy and ease. She resides in Harford County, MD, with her husband and two daughters, and is currently writing a book on the benefits of REAL living.

 

By

Fall in Love with Life & Discover REAL Balance

 

Discover REAL Joy with Wide-awake Eyes

“Together again for the first time” was a phrase my Dad often uttered when I was growing up. It’s what I like to call a classic Ken-icism. It ranked right up there with his other favorite sayings (some of which he borrowed, of course), like “Even the longest journey begins with but a single step,” “Don’t ride the night train,” and “Never give up that ship!”

As a child, I would look at him quizzically when he threw these zingers into our conversations. In all honesty, I found them rather obscure at the time (I am quite certain I rolled my eyes many times in response, a trait that my Dad still likes to remind me was part of my girlish charm up until I was about 20, lol). Thanks to the natural course of life experience and maturation, however, I gradually came to understand the subtle messages and life lessons that my Dad was trying to impart to me when he shared those profound truisms. He was, in fact, spilling some very REAL tea.

“Together again for the first time”

Have you ever been in the midst of spending time with someone that you have loved and known for what seems like forever, and in a particular moment’s interaction the experience is so unlike any that the two of you have previously shared that it seems as though you are just meeting him or her for the first time?

Have you ever looked at a face that you have stared at and talked to for years, and been eerily struck with the strange sense that you are seeing the person staring back at you for REAL, in a new way, and for the first time? Stand in front of your bathroom mirror and stare into your own eyes for one full minute, and you will understand exactly what I mean. 

The REAL tea is that in every moment, we are together again for the first time. Whether we are talking about being together with ourselves, together with others, or together with our universe, each and every experience is new and fresh. If you read my posts regularly, you and I are together again for the first time right now as you are digesting this message. You are again sharing your time and attention with me, and I am again sharing my thoughts with you, yet we are sharing these things with one another in a new way, on a new day, about a new topic. If you make the choice to reread this message at a different time tomorrow, we will be together again for the first time in that new and fresh moment (another first…yet again!). REAL deep, right? Indeed.

New Present Moments = New Prospects

Each moment is filled with new potential promise, and each day holds fresh possibilities for new experiences. In some moments and on some days, new promise and fresh possibility make dramatic entrances in the form of a visit to a new place, or an introduction to a new friend, or an attempt at a new activity, or an unexpected happening. In the majority of our moments and days, however, new promise and ripe possibility manifest themselves much more subtly. They hide under what we might otherwise perceive as the usual mundane circumstances, routines, faces, and places that make up our lives. Unless we are awake and aware enough to notice them, they will sadly remain undiscovered.

The happy news is that everything it takes to uncover the quiet and well-disguised miracles and joys that the universe sprinkles along our path is conveniently captured in one word: DECISION. The REAL tea is that each of us is born with the power to decide and to choose. We create our own REALity. Although we live in a world that in many ways attempts to convince us that we are trapped and helpless, the REAL truth is that we have the freedom to see what we want to see. 

With wide-awake awareness, we can intentionally look at people, places, events, and experiences with lenses that are designed to blur out the ordinary and the obvious, and spotlight the extraordinary and the magical. We have the power to exercise our freedom and choose to be together again with all that we typically encounter, but for the first REAL time. 

Look through a Lens of REAL Wonderment

Make the decision to be a mindful treasure tracker. Gaze through the lens of wonderment. Recognize the world’s magic and vitality. Choose to look at the people, places, and things you see as if you are a child discovering those elements for the first time. Let go of your existing ideas and perceptions, and decide to be a curious kid again. 

Sense that even the ground you walk on is alive. Pay fresh attention to the well-worn paths you walk and drive each day. Notice and appreciate the surfaces that support you when you travel, and look for new and previously overlooked aspects of the routes you take (whether it be the route from your bedroom to your kitchen, or the one from your home to your grocery store). 

Awaken to the colors, textures, aromas, and tastes that you regularly encounter yet rarely acknowledge or enjoy. Look intensely at the friends, family members, and neighbors with whom you routinely interact. Examine the contours of their faces, notice the color of their eyes, and search for the emotion in their expressions and words. Gaze in awe at their uniqueness. Admire the quirks that make them individuals. 

Be on the hunt for smiling faces and hearty laughter wherever you roam, and listen intently for the background music that plays throughout the routine scenes of your life. Take intentional pauses to feel and absorb the good energy that is emitted from those joyful sights and sounds. There is nothing like the sweet frequency of free-spirited giggling to uplift your vibration, (whether the gigglers are young or old, friends or strangers). There is nothing like the melodic music that your moments harmoniously move to (whether it plays through instruments and radio, through breezes and birds, or through the voices of your loved ones).


“The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, incredibly magnificent world in itself.” ~ Henry Miller. 

Recognize the wonderful intricacies of the stage scenery and theme music that beautifully backdrop your daily script, and be together and in love with your life for the first REAL time.

View through a Lens of REAL Celebration

Make the decision to be on a perpetual party pursuit. Search for reasons to celebrate being alive, no matter how minute the excuses.

Visualize balloons and confetti springing into the air whenever you witness a morning sunrise, sip a cup of perfectly-brewed tea or coffee, stand in the comforting stream of a hot shower, get good and sweaty from a vigorous work-out, or find a quiet solitary moment to breathe. Turn up your internal (or external!) music and blow your figurative kazoo whenever you have a productive conversation, discover the solution to a challenge, receive a compliment, see a loved one smile, or spot a colorful bird flying across your path.

Mindfully slip on your humor hat, and decide to take life less seriously. Lighten up! Recognize that there is something to celebrate and laugh about in each moment, situation, place, and interaction. Let’s face it, life can be absurd and ridiculous at times (actually…a lot of the time). If we can’t allow ourselves the room to revel a bit in the mysterious silliness that exists in the world, we will be lost. Looking for the irony and the entertainment factor in any given situation will help you maintain REAL perspective.

Comic relief can be used to draw a silver lining around even the darkest of clouds. Have you ever been at a viewing or a funeral wake, and found yourself laughing with fellow attendees as you together reminisce over funny stories about the person who has passed? The best memories are typically laced with humor. 

I am not suggesting that you make a joke out of the more profound experiences that you will inevitably face, or that you act like a clown 24/7.  It is vital, however, to avoid weighing your vibration and energy down with the heaviness that comes from taking anything (including yourself) too seriously. We could all use a healthy and harmless dose of irreverence and carefree resolve to balance out our experience. LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!!!!

Decide to acknowledge and rejoice in your small daily victories.

Laugh as often as you can.

Celebrate the relationships you are cultivating (including the one you have with yourself). 

Glorify the seemingly ordinary interactions you have with others and with the universe, with awareness that they each hold a specific purpose and blessing.

REAL love and joy are baked into the familiar folds of our lives. Find them. Drape streamers from them. Tie ribbons around them. Live life with a “Last Hurrah” mentality (because for all you know, today could be yours). 

Find Your REAL Voice 

Make the decision to mindfully share AND SPEAK your truth. Tell others about the wonders and causes for celebration that you are discovering in your days and life. Shout it from the rooftops!!

It is not enough to see through a new lens of love, wonder, and celebration. You must give your new visions and insights a loud and commanding voice. Speak out loud and in detail about the hidden treasures you detect through your new lenses. Vividly describe what you see and find, to yourself. Clearly express it to others as well. Spread the word with clarity, intention, and enthusiasm.

Words are powerful, and they bring thoughts to life. Think about how some of the words that people have spoken to you in the past have taken hold (sometimes for the better, many times for the worse). Saying words out loud is like casting a spell. Tell others about the evidence of simplistic amazingness, beauty, and inspiration you see and notice, and watch magic weaved as the positive ideas and visions take hold.

Talk about it. Text about it. Snapchat about it. Post your new sightings and thoughts on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Email messages about it.  Lead the way by boldly sharing what you see when you decide to wake up for REAL. When you are together again, make each moment, occasion, and meeting fresh and new by sharing your stories about the wonderment and celebration you are experiencing. You have the power to shift the collective energy of your community simply by pointing out the promise and potential you are finding in your daily routines. Your words may inspire others to give it a whirl, and that could be a REAL gamechanger. 

REAL Perspective

In the last 36 hours, the universe has inundated me with reminders about the impermanence and unpredictability of life. Two nights ago, I received a text from one of my best friends, relaying that her dad had gone into cardiac arrest and is currently on life support. Yesterday morning, my daughter told me about a high school classmate who tragically lost his young father last week. Yesterday afternoon, I learned that a new acquaintance and good friend of my cousin sadly passed away at the age of 60 after a heroic battle with pancreatic cancer.

It is difficult to find inspirational sentiments when we are in the midst of grief and struggle. Let’s be REAL – illness and loss SUCK. Big time.

Yet even in the sucky moments and circumstances that surround challenging events like these, there is REAL promise and potential. Hidden in the sadness and mourning that will naturally be experienced, there is deep clarity to be gained about the preciousness of life and the value in intentionally living our days with full awareness of the wonder, celebration, and truth that is ours for the taking. 

I would be willing to wager that each of the three people I reference above would be thrilled to have just one more moment in which they could discover and experience the small miracles and joys that were once a part of the “ordinary” paths they walked. If we had the opportunity to ask them for REAL words of wisdom, I imagine they would say something like,

“Fall in love with your life, as many times as you can. Start paying attention and begin to look for the magic in your everyday moments and situations. Decide to do this as you move forward, remembering that even the longest journey begins with but a single step. Walk your path with awareness, love, and gratitude for the small and simple treasures. Don’t ride the night train and live in a constant state of  worry and doubt – life is too short to waste energy on fear-based thoughts. There is wonder and cause for celebration all around you, so make it your business to find it. Laugh often. Remember that you will always find guidance and love within the universe, within your relationships, and within yourself. Take heart, and never give up that ship! All is well. Soon we will be together again for the first time.”

Blessed are we who still have the present moment to notice and appreciate the promise, potential, and love that hide in the weeds that grow on our perfectly imperfect paths. Blessed are we who have the power to wake up and spot the tiny flowers budding amidst the tall grass blades. 

And that, my friends, is the REAL tea.

Start living for REAL today, and subscribe to receive REAL insights & inspirations . Show yourself some REAL love  and sign up for an inspirational REAL live event in March!

By

Building a REAL Relationship with Yourself: Healthy Selfishness 101

About a year ago, I volunteered as a chaperone at a church retreat that my younger daughter attended. I vividly recall a discussion that the organizers facilitated, which started with this question being posed to the kids: “Who are the people with whom you are in relationships?”

As answers were thrown out, another retreat volunteer recorded them on a giant-sized sticky pad sheet that she had taped to the wall. The list was long. All the usual suspects were on it – parents, siblings, friends, God, cousins, teachers, coaches, classmates, teammates, grand-parents, etc.

I noticed right away that there was one response missing. I waited, hopeful that one of the retreat counselors would call out the significant omission.

Nothing.

I thought, “Unreal.” It was literally un-REAL.

The completed list was the perfect segue into an in-depth discussion about the meaning and importance of key life relationships, and how the way in which we treat others impacts the way we interact with our Source. While I could absolutely see how talking about human relationships and their relevance to spirituality was a productive topic with tremendous value, I couldn’t help thinking that the conversation was missing a key component.

It never dawned on a single soul in that room that one answer to that first question could have been (in fact, should have been), “me.”

A REAL Relationship with Self 

The relationship you have with your SELF is the most REAL and important relationship you will ever have in your life. Circumstances will constantly shift and evolve throughout your journey, and people will walk onto and off of your path over the course of time, but you will always be experiencing life with you.

If you don’t know or don’t feel comfortable with you, then it is going to be fairly challenging to get to know and feel comfortable with other people. If you don’t develop a healthy and loving relationship with yourself, logic would indicate that you will have a pretty challenging time cultivating and maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with anyone else (including God, if he happens to be on your list).

Healthy Selfishness is REAL

Forming a positive and close relationship with yourself is crucial to creating a REAL life, and it is accomplished in the same way you build a good relationship with others. It takes focus, care, and time. It takes REAL work.

If you want to get to know yourself in a REAL way, you must direct a decent dose of your creative energy and attention towards yourself. In other words, you need to get REAL comfortable being selfish.

Perfecting the art of selfishness is one of the greatest gifts you can give to the world.

Yup, you read that right.

Practicing healthy selfishness is a positive thing. It is something to be encouraged and applauded.

REAL Reveal: The journey to REAL happiness and REAL peace is riddled with counterintuitive concepts and paradoxes like this. Just as the flow of smooth water will wear away a hard and jagged rock, and just as a show of vulnerability is a powerful demonstration of strength, so it is that being selfish is an act of generosity.

I would be willing to bet that a lot of people will get their panties in a twist when they catch wind that I am promoting selfishness. I envision minds blowing and heads popping off of necks everywhere. Getting REAL about life tends to have that effect. 

The REAL Deal on Selfishness

Selfishness is not all about spa treatments and Bon Bons.

The art of being selfish is not entirely about self-indulgence and pleasure (although we should unapologetically integrate a bit of both into our lives). Selfishness doesn’t always feel comfortable. It isn’t always fun.

Being REALly selfish involves giving yourself the kind of total and complete attention that leads to the illumination of the good stuff, but it also means shedding light on the perceived “bad and ugly” stuff.


It sounds enticing to shine a radiant spotlight on yourself and make you the center of your world, right up until that first moment when your blemishes and imperfections are revealed by that often unforgiving view.

We all know that when we stream light into a dark room, shadows inevitably form. As uncomfortable as it can be, it is important to look at, sit with, and learn to love and appreciate the stuff lurking in those shadows. Full-fledged awareness and self-love require the recognition and acknowledgement of all aspects of yourself.


Selfishness is not the absence of REAL service.

Promoting selfishness is not about wanting to cultivate a population of spoiled brats, and it is in no way meant to minimize the importance of loving and serving others.

People should absolutely help and uplift one another. Paying it forward and showing love to fellow human beings enables us to magnify, cultivate, and channel our collective energy and power in amazing ways.

You can’t, however, share what you do not have. You can’t offer to someone else what you don’t know how to offer to yourself. You must start with fanning your own energy flame before you can stoke someone else’s fire.

Selfishness can have a REAL paradoxical ripple effect.

It’s pretty clear that there are a lot of us who don’t understand how to connect with and care for ourselves in REAL ways. Either we weren’t taught how, or we don’t possess the awareness that we should, or we don’t have the sense of worthiness to motivate us.


People can’t be expected to teach, foster, and promote something that they themselves weren’t educated on, have no awareness of, or lack the self-esteem needed to inspire action around. How can we expect people to lift others up when they themselves are still lying in the dirt?

The REAL solutions for the conundrums we face are the ones we find when we scratch beneath the surface and challenge our age-old, black-and-white thought patterns. Paradoxical and innovative approaches are a must, and we need not look any further than our own hearts and intuition to uncover them. 

Perhaps we can better spread charity and generosity in our world by cultivating those very elements within ourselves. Healthy selfishness could be the radical, gray-zone answer we are searching for.

Make the World REAL from the Inside Out

Invest the time to enhance your relationship with yourself, and give yourself the gifts of adventure and peace. Make it your intention to love yourself in more REAL ways, and take yourself into new and exciting territory.

Try new things and discover hidden passions and interests. Create time to take stock of what is good and going well in your life, and pause to recognize how far you have come.

Learn from the lessons that lie in your shadows, and use that wisdom to transform your experience.

Give yourself the time and space to fall in love with all parts of the person in the mirror, maybe for the first time. Fall in love with life as the REAL love and respect you begin to show yourself spills over into your relationships with family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, and the universe.

Allow yourself the chance to tap into the REAL and true love that has filled you up since birth. Once you recognize and learn to channel that love towards yourself, you will not be able to hold back from sharing it in REAL ways. 

A happy human makes a happy world.

And that, my friends, is the REAL tea.

Start living for REAL today, and subscribe to receive REAL insights, inspirations, and event info. Show yourself the love this month, and create an authentic self-care practice – follow the February blogs & sign up for REAL resources in your inbox!!

By

Create Space and Time for Your REAL Visions and Authentic Intentions to Manifest with Ease

Week #3: Transform Your Life Through Digital Detoxing & Calendar Cleansing

A good friend recently gave me an hourglass as part of a belated Christmas present. The gift came with a hand-written note that included a profound Shakespearean quote about time. As I flipped my unique treasure upside-down and examined the fine gray granules flowing through its narrow neck, I was struck by the humbling thought that my time on earth is not limitless. Talk about getting REAL.

The REAL tea is that we simply don’t know how much time we have left on our journeys. All we can be sure of is that we have this moment. This is precisely why we are being constantly encouraged to live in the now and seize the day! Time is of the essence.

Time demands respect. It desires to be slowly savored. It asks only to be recognized and managed with care and gratitude.

Each of us has a limited amount of time to enjoy life and leave our mark (at least as it pertains to the role we were born to play in this particular time and place). Faced with such uncertain circumstances, we must embrace life and do everything within our power to experience it fully, with joy and peace saturating every second.

We can’t mess around here, friends. We can go big, or we can go home. Time demands that we live for REAL.

Honoring Time through the Ritual of REAL Space Clearing

Having a keen sense of our impermanence does not have to be a downer. REAL awareness about the precious and fleeting qualities of time can empower us to appreciate and spend it wisely and with authentic intention.

We have taken the last few weeks to clear, clean, and open up our space to make room for the REAL ways we want to use our time as we move forward. In organizing and refreshing the physical areas in which we live and breathe, we have structured those environments in ways that allow us to make the most of our time.

The work we have done to deliberately transform our physical worlds into places that better support our REAL dreams and visions has equipped us with new perspectives and fresh insights. We are not the same people we were at the turn of the year. We are awake, for REAL.

With rekindled clarity and wide-open eyes, we march into the final stage of our REAL space detox prepared to cleanse and clear our digital real estate. Together, let us scrub up our cyber and cellular spaces. In doing so, we will create bridges to our inner worlds, setting the stage to deeply examine and cleanse our minds and hearts in the coming months.

Day-Timer Detox 101

One of the finest ways to honor your time and create a REAL life is to make room in your moments and days for activities, experiences, and interactions that support the energy, vibe, and vision you are cultivating. It can be challenging to turn in our “busy” badges and “champion doer” superhero capes, especially in a society where an over-booked itinerary has sadly become a sought-after status symbol.

At the end of the day, however, cleaning and clearing our physical spaces won’t do any good if we have no time to spend enjoying and relaxing in them. We must deeply examine our schedules and deliberately create the time we require to do the work that will bring our visions and intentions to life.

Start to craft the time you need to live your best REAL life, and use the following suggestions as your guide.

  • Make it a point to begin mastering the art of saying no more often. Let someone else be the organizer and ring leader every now and then. This ties into family, friend, and community requests and expectations – there are enough of us to share the load on all fronts, you don’t have to do it all!
  • If an activity is not crucial to your livelihood, family function, or health, take it off the calendar and place it on a to-be-categorized list (we will get back to it, no worries!).
  • Save a slot each week/weekend to try something new (either by yourself or with others). Make it a fun game of discovery and set aside some time to find out what interests you. Don’t limit the list to things only tied to spiritual or mental growth, or to activities that are expensive or need to be done outside of the home. Dabble in a variety of endeavors and think outside of your box. You will organically receive the internal benefits whether visiting the trending ax throwing club or painting by number at your kitchen table. 
  • Carve out (I mean literally schedule) daily time for breathing, gentle pauses, & mindful moments. Start with three 5-minute mini-breaks per day… one for morning, one for mid-day, one for evening….we are only talking about 15 minutes here!
  • Block off (I mean literally schedule) daily time for silence, solitude, & activities that soothe you. Start with two 10-minute mini-breaks per day…one in the first part of the day and one in the later part of the day…we are talking about 20 minutes total!
  • After you have allotted time for all of the above, revisit your to-be-categorized list. Examine each item and do some raw and honest self-assessment. Highlight all activities/events/tasks that you do not prefer, enjoy, or gain any positive benefits from, and brainstorm ways you can begin to gradually remove these from your docket and/or minimize their frequency and length.

Get comfortable being uncomfortable with the strange responses and quiet resistance you will experience as you make these tweaks (both within yourself and from others). Change can be trying for everyone, but it can be conquered with consistency and commitment.

Foster REAL Productivity

Block time to devote for actions that move you closer to your dreams, visions, and desires. Replace TV viewing and social media scrolling time with activities that inspire,  motivate, and energize you. Recognize that getting up earlier may be required in order to fit more of these new and positive activities into your daily experience (rest need not be sacrificed: go to bed earlier, and this will balance out!!).

Assess if the hours you are working in your job are REALly necessary. Are you working more than you need to? Some of the most productive people I know get an 8-10 hour “to do” list completed in 5-6 hours. Get open to changing your thought patterns and approaches when it comes to defining and achieving a “good day’s work.” Are you working 40+ hour weeks out of need or out of habit?

Optimize the times of day in which you tend to be more productive. If you are a morning person, for instance, structure your day so you can complete the bulk of your more intense work tasks by lunch time, which will leave the afternoon open for less complex tasks (and some fun and relaxation!).

Is there time allotted for self-care each day? If you are depleted, you will have nothing to give (to anyone). Self-love and self-care are restorative and necessary. Increase your productivity by allowing yourself time to recharge.

Make REAL Play Dates

Remember the scene in the movie The Shining, when we realize that Jack Nicholson’s insane character has spent months typing an entire manuscript filled with pages that repeat the sentence, “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy?” We all know what happened after that. Yikes!

We may not necessarily go completely psycho from a lack of playtime, but life is certainly way less REAL and happy without regular doses of fun.

REAL balance is key, and integrating an element of playfulness into our daily lives is crucial if we want to stay centered.

The REAL tea is that you can’t afford NOT to have fun and be playful. We need to stop saying (and thinking) that fun is a luxury. It is a necessity! Fun leads to laughter. Laughter leads to relaxation. Relaxation leads to flow and good energy. Good energy attracts more good energy, and so on.

Build fun into your days, and you will see your life magically transform in very REAL ways.

REAL Computer Cleansing

The REAL tea is that most of us don’t manage our lives on paper anymore. We keep ourselves digitally organized, tracking finances, events, and communications within the cyber spaces we inhabit. Our faces are in our screens more than we would likely care to admit, so it is imperative that what we are perpetually viewing and clicking through is organized in a way that reflects the REAL peace and simplicity we are working to manifest in our worlds. Chaos within file folders and inboxes creates chaos in your energy field and life experience.

  • Delete unnecessary files and folders. Transfer them to a flash drive if you just can’t bare to trash them completely.
  • Clean out and organize all of your inboxes. Delete anything more than one month old, or place it in a sub-folder for easy access.
  • Unsubscribe to all of those shops and organizations that you don’t care about. Take the lead on reducing the junk mail!!
  • Does receiving regular email make you feel loved? Then sign up to receive positive and inspirational email blurbs. Subscribe to a few selected sites that will send you wisdom, messages, & info designed to infuse peace, awareness, and happy elements into your daily experience. Check out my REAL resources page for some suggestions, and make sure to subscribe to my site asap!!

REAL Cellular Sanitation

Let’s face it – the cell phone has essentially morphed into the newest human appendage. Our phones have evolved into so much more than a means to make a call. They act as our cameras, our watches, our alarm clocks, our address books, our radios, our news sources, our encyclopedias…the list seems endless. Literally and figuratively, your cell phone is an extension of you. Just as your digital and electronic spaces carry energies that express and impact you, your phone holds the same power.

  • Remove apps and games that you either no longer use, no longer serve a positive purpose, or no longer represent the REAL you and the life you are intentionally creating. Add some new ones that support your authentic vision, goals, and vibe (try the apps for GNN, Shine, or Headspace).

  • Clean out your contact list. Who is in there that you either already removed or should remove from your social network? Is there anyone whose info you are holding onto because of old emotional baggage and attachments? Why let the wrong people take up space in your phone?
  • Cleanse your camera roll. Store the keepers on a flash drive, cloud, or disc. Delete the images that are attached to negative memories, people, or vibes. Keep images on the roll that bring you joy, make you laugh and smile, make you feel happy. Make room so that you can add to the collection that brings you contentment and peace (whether they are of people you love, quotes that speak to you, or objects and places that represent your vision and interests).

REAL Social Media Scrub Down

Our media walls are the places where we pin up our values, opinions, thoughts, and ideas for all the world to see. These amazingly innovative outlets can be used to show the world what and who we care about and what we celebrate and are grateful for. They allow us to connect with others at a quite extensive level, providing us with the means to transcend the barriers of distance. They offer us a way to share ourselves at a global level. This is REAL powerful stuff.

Recognize the power of collective consciousness. Acknowledge and appreciate the energy that your words and pictures send out to everyone who is exposed to them, and to the universe at large. Reflect on this as you refresh your social media platforms, and make the decision to use them only to reinforce your authentic vibe and vision.

If politics and religion are dear to you, for example, post only messages that represent religious and political aspects that you would like to see more of (as opposed to broadcasting examples of the negativity we all wish – in our own way – to see disappear).

Take down and remove pictures and posts that no longer express the REAL you and your present vision and vibe.

Take down and remove posts and pics that represent negativity, judgement, or other fear-based emotions. The world has enough of that floating around without you adding to the mix.

REAL Reflections

There are deep-seeded reasons why we continue to overpack our calendars, phones, computers, and social media pages. We tell ourselves that we have no choice in the matter, but the REAL truth is that we do decide.

The REAL tea is that we are afraid to make these changes and try a new approach. The specific things we fear vary from person to person, yet they are well worth uncovering and processing.

Do you fear what may surface if you removed the busyness barrier and sat still for REAL?

Do you fear the guilt that might result from prioritizing self-care time, setting firmer boundaries, and saying no?

Do you fear that deleting contacts and pictures would be a dishonor to your past, or to the people that were part of it?

As you move through your digital territories and devices, make some time for reflection and journaling. Use these questions to prompt your self-examination.

The REAL Time for REAL Love is Upon Us

As January comes to a close and February begins, we celebrate our efforts around the REAL space detox ritual that we have taken the last few weeks to pursue together.

Through the intentional detoxification, clearing, and renewal of our physical and digital spaces, we have participated in a symbolic rite of passage. We have carved a path for the next journey.

In preparing our outer environments for the new and refined external experiences we are creating and calling in, we have empowered ourselves to successfully conquer and cleanse our internal landscapes.

Armed with mindfulness, awareness, and authentic ambition, we now pass over the threshold and enter our inner houses, prepared to clean and clear our sacred spaces and make room for the REAL love that will transform them into our REAL homes.

The time for self-exploration and self-love is now, because now is all we have. The path has been cleared.

And that, my friends, is the REAL tea.

Get REAL. Check out more REAL resources in the library!